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DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

0 posted 2001-07-23 12:35 PM

Take them away...take it all away.
I'll even give it all to you for free.
Take all that bounds me to the ground.
Everything is for sale,take it.

Take my voice away first.
Steal it so I can utter no words of love.
Use it for propagandas that doesn't exist.
Take from my mouth all the lies.

Take away my hands second.
Rip them away so I can write no Love.
Take them away so I don't write about hopes, dreams.
Give my writings to the world of lies.

Take my feet away thrid.
So I can no longer walk to Love.
Stop me from walking down this snowy path.
Don't let me walk to the lies.

Take my eyes away fourth.
I don't want to see who I love.
Show my eyes to the world so they can see.
Steal them so I can't see the lies.

Take my body fifth.
Slip it away so I don't feel the sensation of Love.
Give it to those who want a coat of feeling.
Wash it all way; lies.

Now I am finaly free to fly.
Leave me my heart so i can feel my love.
Leave me my mind so i can remember my Love.
But please take away all the lies.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-07-23 01:01 PM

First off...
WELCOME TO PIP!
This is nice First write. The last Stanza was my fav. I hope to see more from you in the near future. Thanks for the read...I enjoyed it bunches.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-07-23 01:06 PM

Welcome to Passions!!

Let me just say how great it is to see you replying before beginning on your own posting adventure. That's a fantastic thing for you to start doing.

Your piece is interesting and tells of much pain. By wanting to take away all the lies, you would want to take away all the experiences. The lies make the love, just like the pain and the happiness.
Thanks for sharing this piece. I really did enjoy it and I look forward to seeing many more. Enjoy Passions.

~AF~

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.
~ Christian Nevell Bovee ~

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

3 posted 2001-07-23 01:37 PM

This is a very nice first post... very well written. I liked the last stanza a lot. Great job and welcome to passions.. hope to see more from you.

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

4 posted 2001-07-23 02:40 PM

This is a nice first post. Welcome to Passions! I liked this post. I think it turned out very good. The last stanza was really nice. Hope to see more soon.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

5 posted 2001-07-23 03:06 PM

Wonderful first poem. I truly enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy it here at Passions.

Heavens Tears ~ Moderator

Check your email for something special!

Angelwings
Member

since 1999-08-27

Posts 222
IL, USA

6 posted 2001-07-23 07:13 PM

WOW! What an excellent first post. And I am truly excited to have you in the passions family. Judging from this first poem, it will be wonderful having you here.

*that what does not kill us makes us stronger!*

*I have this theory that if were told we're bad. Then that's the only idea we'll ever have. Maybe

DarkenedShadow
Member

since 2001-07-23

Posts 114
Kansas

7 posted 2001-07-23 10:09 PM

Wow thanks for such the welcome guys it really means alot to me. Now I feel like I have somewhere to express freely, thanks again. /Nick/

Shygirl82
Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 245
Ilinois

8 posted 2001-07-24 02:45 AM

Ok wow...I dont know how I missed this one but it was seriously really good. That was a great first post. I would like to welcome you to Passions and I am looking forward to reading more of your stuff!
Always,
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

9 posted 2001-07-24 05:05 AM

I really enjoyed this! Wowness! you are a VERY talented writer that I am looking forward to read often! Keep posting!
Welcome to Passions!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

10 posted 2001-07-28 07:57 PM

Omgosh... ok *BREATHE, Marie*

First of all, WELCOME TO PASSIONS IN POETRY!

Secondly, I wanted to say that I really like that you've been replying to others works before posting your own stuff. That's noble of you..

Thirdly, this poem is absolutely amazing. I am left in awe... I LOVED the whole concept of the poem. The message and the pleas to take away this and that, but not your heart... omgosh... This is going into my library. I am completely amazed at the peice I just read. Maybe one of the best I've read. Wowsers... nicely done, Nick. I am VERY excited to see what else you have in store for us!
Beautiful work... simply fantastic...

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

11 posted 2001-07-28 07:57 PM

Yes... breathe, Marie... and don't forget to put this in your library!

*click* Into the library it goes...

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

~Dark Angel~
New Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 5

12 posted 2001-07-29 12:56 PM

oh dis was a mad poem, i like the way you wrote it coz it's kinda different from what i read before !!!! very well expressed in my opinion ! =)

MoeRocko
Member

since 2001-04-25

Posts 166
West Virginia

13 posted 2001-07-29 01:46 AM

I didn't read this one, I just wanted to play with the smilies....I'm sure it was good though

If there's a such thing as a Genius, then I'm one. If there's no such thing then I don't care... ~John Lennon

Hellseyes
Member

since 2001-07-25

Posts 120
Kansas, USA

14 posted 2001-07-29 12:27 PM

wow man i did not know of this one...good write../Drew/

levon6618
Junior Member

since 2001-07-29

Posts 10

15 posted 2001-07-29 01:24 PM

I really enjoyed this poem. I'm sure we can all relate to it's contents. I look forward to reading more of your work.

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

16 posted 2001-07-29 04:23 PM

I loved the concept here, and the ending. Very well thought out. Great read! (I think I'm very late [typical leah], but welcome to passions anyhow.

)

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

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