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Teen Poetry #5
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Crash&Burn
Member
since 2001-01-18
Posts 119


0 posted 2001-07-15 04:02 PM


Pieces lost in a broken fall
An empty space grows
And loneliness overwhelms me
My sadness possessed
My heart not right
I feel myself just slipping by
No one will help me
No one will try
I’m tired of trying
Please come back.


I see the darkness coming all is bleak...

© Copyright 2001 Crash&Burn - All Rights Reserved
Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
1 posted 2001-07-15 05:35 PM


wow!this was truly amazing work. each line to me seemed to be filled with desperation. a library piece to me.

Regina

If you only understood my pain then maybe you could learn to be my friend. Be there. My crying shoulder. The smiles. And the caring i need to survive.

Dylan Poe
Junior Member
since 2001-07-10
Posts 13
Illinois, USA
2 posted 2001-07-15 06:54 PM


And love takes a fatal blow,
Someone is left broken and bleeding
Arise,
Life is the essence of love.

Gonna have to check out more of your poetry. This piece conveyed a good thought, I would hae enjoyed a little more embelishment. Well done though.

dp

If life's a stage
We write the script
Personality the pen
The final act the final part
We all will meet our end

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-07-16 03:23 AM


i can relate!..so much deep emotions of deperate need as Ina said in every verse..this truly hit me!...awesome job...i liked it VERY much

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
4 posted 2001-07-16 06:46 PM


I absolutely love this...It's probably my favorite read of the past few weeks. You wrote it so simple and open, yet jam packed it with feeling. Such an easy poem to relate to. The last line was perfect. Into the library it goes...
Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
5 posted 2001-07-16 08:50 PM


This is a short poem, but it's packed with power and emotion.  I really liked this one... a deperate cry for help... stay strong.  If you need someone to talk to, IM me.  I really liked this, C&B.  Very well done.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning...

Crash&Burn
Member
since 2001-01-18
Posts 119

6 posted 2001-07-17 04:42 PM


well as always thanks everyone for posting lol, althought I don't get that many replies those who do reply seem to enjoy the poem and just because I was able to catch your interest for a minute or so I'm more than satisfied. I wrote this poem because I lost something and I've been trying to find it thought I still haven't found it... sucks... Oh well that's what happens when your not organized (note to self: become more organized!!!) Anyways thanks for posting and sharing your ideas, see ya around.

I see the darkness coming all is bleak...

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA
7 posted 2001-07-19 03:31 AM


This was short but very strong.  I can totally relate to this one.  Great job, keep posting!

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?  

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-07-23 11:36 PM


Everything ok with Susy?
Well I didn't think the poem was yer best Jorge, but it was nice.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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