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~sugarpie313~
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since 2000-09-14
Posts 375
Maine, USA

0 posted 2001-07-15 02:47 PM


Who's that girl they say?
when spotted around town,
No one knows who she is
But everyone thinks she's a clown.


I'll show them who I am
I'll show them that I'm smart,
I will show them all that I can do it
And I'll do it with lots of heart.


She must be a blonde
Look at how she walks,
And have you heard her lately
And the weird way she talks?


They all don't think I can make it
I know if I work hard I can,
I'll make it so big their jaws will drop
Yes, that's a perfect plan.


"...And i want to take you down, but your soul could not be found, doesn't matter much you see cause your disease is killing me..." -Saliva

© Copyright 2001 Valerie - All Rights Reserved
~sugarpie313~
Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375
Maine, USA
1 posted 2001-07-15 08:12 PM


i wrote this after i heard Eve's song "who's that girl"  it's not about her song but it sparked something in my mind so...  

"...And i want to take you down, but your soul could not be found, doesn't matter much you see cause your disease is killing me..." -Saliva

anonymous albert ?
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since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-07-16 03:35 AM


heheh...i thought this was very creative...the way you wrote it...i enjoyed this one alot, Val

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

allie
Member
since 2001-07-09
Posts 218
Australia
3 posted 2001-07-16 04:44 AM


original idea,
Creative poem

ALLIE

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
4 posted 2001-07-16 07:09 PM


I like the way you wrote this.
Thanks for the read, Valerie.  

Fading Away
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since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
5 posted 2001-07-16 09:22 PM


This is very well written!  I really liked the stanza that read:
"I'll show them who I am
I'll show them that I'm smart,
I will show them all that I can do it
And I'll do it with lots of heart. "

The rhyme scheme you have going throughout the piece is excellent.  The way you kept it consistent isn't something I see very often.  I really liked the way you had the outsiders view of the girl, and the girl's view.  Wonderful work!  I really enjoyed this!  Nicely done, and I hope to see more soon  

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning...

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
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tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
6 posted 2001-07-16 11:43 PM


Creative idea...I liked this one. Good job  
cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
7 posted 2001-07-17 03:07 AM


hey this is so cool!!..i loved the two voices in this...a real creative piece of poetry val....keep it up!!
Dopey Dope
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since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-07-19 01:15 AM


I loved how you wrote this one. Sounds like a great plan! Go for it!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA
9 posted 2001-07-19 02:53 AM


I REALLY liked this one!  I can relate to it.  Great write.  Sounds like a great plan  

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?  

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