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allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

0 posted 2001-07-15 08:49 AM

“Have you come to converse with the stars?
Way up above your head?
But will they listen?
Will they ever see?”

“Ohh they’ll see,
I’ll tell them of mountains and oceans so deep,
Where blue finned fish dance playfully.
And I’ll tell them of woe and of the broken hearted.
They’ll sit they’ll watch,
They’ll listen to me,
If anyone will they’ll listen to me.”

“But way up above your head?
How will they hear?
How will they see?”

“They’ll see me jump,
To reach into the night,
I’ll jump so high.
They’ll see,
If anyone will, they’ll see.”

“Wouldn’t you rather converse with the sea?
Something that will hear,
Something that will see.”

“But the sea won’t understand.
It’s only the stars,
I’ve come to converse with the stars.”

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2001-07-15 10:48 AM

This is quite a good little bit of writing. The way you made each stanza a different part of speech was unique and creative. Your efforts for that should be commended. The title is catchy and draws some great imagery from it.
Thanks for the read, Allie. I'll look forward to seeing more of it.

~AF~

Psychopathic chickens are plotting against me...

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-07-15 05:30 PM

I agree with AF. The conversation you had going here was really nice.
This is a wonderful write, Allie. I enjoyed it.
Keep 'em coming.

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

3 posted 2001-07-16 03:29 AM

Thankyou so much for all your support, it's not really a new peice...
But one of my happier ones

once again thankz,

ALLIE

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-07-16 03:30 AM

you did a very nice job with this one, Allie

...i also liked the whole way it was written...definitly creative...enjoyed the read.

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-07-16 07:59 PM

Very creative idea you have here. The structure of the poemw as well done, and the last stanza was a really good ending to it all. I really like the way you described the contrasts of the two... nicely done! I enjoyed this!

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning...

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-07-17 07:13 PM

I REALLY REALLY liked this one. I thought it was completely awesome, but may I suggest something? (yes/no? i won't know...i'll have to say it anyway lol) I think the last line should ryhme with "see"...like maybe..."and the stars talk to me"...something like that hehe.......that's only MY OPINION which means nothing. I thought the poem rocked regardless. Anyhow, keep posting!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

7 posted 2001-07-19 04:11 AM

thankz about the last line comment you're right it doesnt fit

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