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lil_pwheeler
Junior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 39
here

0 posted 2001-07-14 11:13 PM

From that corner
He does stare
At the girl
With long blond hair

He wants to have her
Oh so much
Will he ever
Feel her touch

She doesn't even
Know he's there
Its for her
He does care

But he knows
He'll never be with her there
So he'll just stand,sit
And stare

[This message has been edited by lil_pwheeler (edited 07-14-2001).]

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-07-14 11:20 PM

this made me sad...*sighs*...i loved how you discribed this showed *that* emotions so well...loved the poem..as i can relate.

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

2 posted 2001-07-14 11:39 PM

I agree with Albert.
A great write here.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-07-15 12:05 PM

your title attracted my attention straight away...ive written a poem with sumthing along those lines...so i can relate to this pretty well..thanks for sharing

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2001-07-15 12:43 PM

How sad!! How come they will never be together? Has he even attempted at winning the girl?? Good poem!

Saxoness

Senior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 1102
Texas

5 posted 2001-07-15 12:50 PM

I can identify with this one, from the other side, of course. Nice work, I like the short stanzas.

"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-07-17 07:05 PM

I enjoyed this. Thought you wrote it well, but it's not the best I've read from you yet. I do look forward to seeing more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2001-07-17 08:04 PM

I really liked the rhyme scheme here. THe meter was awesome, and the flow was well done. Nice work! I enjoyed this.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning...

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

8 posted 2001-07-22 03:30 AM

The last stanza kind of freaked me out. The rest of the poem was good and like Marie said, the meter was awesome and it read really well.

Thanks for sharing this. I look forward to more.

~AF~

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.
~ Christian Nevell Bovee ~

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