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Alexia

Member

since 2001-06-07

Posts 164
Sweet And Sassy

0 posted 2001-07-14 12:49 PM

*~*Falling from life*~*
*~*Falling from earth*~*
*~*Falling from you*~*

**Its all so confusing now**
**why do you have to be this way??**

*Alex*

Guyz plz be easy one me. This is my first poem i've Actually written on my own. Without anyones help. Plz give suggestions on what I could do to make this a better poem or rather write better poems! Thank you all for reading.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-07-14 03:16 AM

i liked what you were trying to say in this one....but maybe spread your thoughts out more into verses....making it able to explore deeper and make the reader...understand why and how etc..you feel this way...anyways..good luck on the revise!

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-07-14 09:15 AM

The hand has a mind of its own....BAD HAND!!

[This message has been edited by anonymousfemale (edited 07-14-2001).]

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-07-14 09:15 AM

What you could do is maybe make these points, *~*Falling from life*~*, *~*Falling from earth*~*, *~*Falling from you*~* your starters and work each stanza off from there. That way you'll have a ton of depth in it and it'll be a kick ass poem.
Like Albertia said, good luck on the revise.

~AF~

GREMLINS ARE TRYING TO STEAL MY PANTS!!!!!!! *sobs*

Alexia

Member

since 2001-06-07

Posts 164
Sweet And Sassy

4 posted 2001-07-14 11:01 AM

Thanks guyz! If I can think of more i'll add on to it.

*~Alex~*

If I tell you I love you, Can I keep you?

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-07-16 01:54 AM

first poem, eh?

I agree with everyone else. I think a lot ca be added here. I LOVE EJ's (Anonymousfemale's) idea. Go with that, and it should be a very well done poem! Nice work here for the first poem. I can't wait to read the finished copy.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-07-17 07:55 PM

I thought you could have added more. Maybe if you take some of the suggestions from the others you'd be ok. I enjoyed it though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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