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Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

0 posted 2001-07-11 08:07 PM

OK, ive had writers stump lately guys and this was the first piece to saw down the stump..hope its ok...
tell me how u like it...

The Dawn broke red upon the sky
the very air afire
The demon sent unto myself would thirst
should i retire
i fought the dark throughout the night
but only those within my sight
now only i shall stand alive
if nothing had the chance to live
if no one else could thrive

i looked upon the havoc
done with the taste of bile
when the very sight of lovers clasped
give birth a saddened smile
and with this view i foresaw my fate
for my rude awakening had come to late
now death was coming unto pass
to slay my very grasp....

did it suck?

"Like, yeah."-the famous cheerleaders
"And if I say yes, what do I get?"-again the famous cheerleaders

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

1 posted 2001-07-11 08:09 PM

Niccccccccccce ive now added you to my library its very nice i liked it you did great.

All you other poets beware my true feelings and poetry are about to flare!
~*~Branden~*~

Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

2 posted 2001-07-11 08:16 PM

thanks branden boy!

"Like, yeah."-the famous cheerleaders
"And if I say yes, what do I get?"-again the famous cheerleaders

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-07-12 02:18 AM

much emotional expression...you did quite well...and of course it didnt suck!...this was very nice

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-07-12 03:47 AM

Nicely done here. No, it didn't suck.
I thought you did well.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

5 posted 2001-07-12 11:07 AM

thanks guyz!
*hugz*

"Like, yeah."-the famous cheerleaders
"And if I say yes, what do I get?"-again the famous cheerleaders

Alexia

Member

since 2001-06-07

Posts 164
Sweet And Sassy

6 posted 2001-07-12 11:50 AM

Good poem Chic!
I know your a good writter cuz i've read like all your poems *lol*
Keep it up!

If I tell you I love you, Can I keep you?

Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

7 posted 2001-07-12 11:52 AM

thanks megan
i gotta borrow ur willa cd!

"I wanna be bad"-willa ford

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

8 posted 2001-07-25 06:59 PM

Alyssa Alyssa Alyssa
I neve thought you had it in you
This is really excellent
love to see more in the future
keep it up

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

9 posted 2001-07-25 07:14 PM

hehe gotta put it in my library

[This message has been edited by AngelPoet87 (edited 07-25-2001).]

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

10 posted 2001-07-25 07:14 PM

Excellent flow, great poem in all.

Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

11 posted 2001-07-27 06:44 AM

give birth a saddened smile
and with this view i foresaw my fate

no it didnt suck in the slightest..dont be so har don yourself..it was quite deep..i thought..

"Killer in me is a killer in you, my love
Send a smile over to you"
Disarm
Smashing Pumkins

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