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Teen Poetry #5
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Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2001-07-09 08:34 AM


She's a local girl
with a local heart,
made me fall in love with,
her right from the start.
She's a local girl
she made me go blind,
everything about her,
has no reasons to lie.
She's a local girl
from just down the street,
she just totally knock,
me down of my feed.

She's a local girl
a little bit shy,
but still she is playing,
games with all the guys.
She's a local girl
she's a beauty queen,
more so than the girls
in the magazines.
She's a local girl
with a personality,
like nobody else she,
knock me of my feed.

She's a local girl
with a local heart,
made me fall in love with,
her right from the start.

she's a local girl
she's a local girl
she's a local girl
she's a local girl

© Copyright 2001 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan
1 posted 2001-07-09 09:16 AM


I really liked the poem it remind me of uptown girl lol sorry   but I really liked it alot I thought it flowed well but one question is it supposed to be she knocked you off your feet or is feed what you wanted to put?  anyways nice write later

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA
2 posted 2001-07-09 10:01 AM


I liked this piece, thought it was very well written.

      - Cody -

If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

Heavens Tears
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

3 posted 2001-07-09 03:45 PM


I liked it, but the end kinda annoyed me.  Dont take that personally, but the repitition just was overdone.  

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-07-10 04:26 PM


I really liked this one a lot! I loved the "local" thing you got going here. Well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-07-10 08:59 PM


i liked the poem..enjoyed the read

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
6 posted 2001-07-21 09:50 PM


nice one here...thanks for sharing

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

Alexia
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-06-07
Posts 164
Sweet And Sassy
7 posted 2001-07-21 11:29 PM


Yeah I agree it did kinda sound like that song *uptown girl* lol ..
I liked your poem! it wuz good!

Alexia

If I tell you I love you, Can I keep you?

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