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Shock factor
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Shock factor |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733
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The thick ocean water splitting against my ankles The glass I swallow Like the porcelain God mom prayed to Hot sand under my feet The glass cuts and burns Like the rain that falls from my eyes The breakers crash against my thighs The glass makes blisters Like my world crashing down upon me The sand rushes from under my feet The glass melts in my stomach Like life going out of control The sun browns my skin The glass wants desperately to be returned Like my racing nervous mind The clouds refuse to shade me from the blistering sun Now wait for the shock factor I must carry on the tradition |
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| © Copyright 2001 Isabel Galaxia - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
what is this tradition exactly? i've never heard of this kind of thing before and believe me I've heard of a lot I come from a Santeria household |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I hope this doesnt offend you, but it made me think of a cult or gang. Why would you wnat to pass on a tradition of pain? Well, it was a great poem. These were just some of my thoughts while reading. *Amanda* |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
LOL!! Thanks for replying, but... 1- it's not a tradition. 2- it's sarcasm. 3- My mother just told me the other day, when I was telling my boyfriend I want to be as pretty as my mom when she got out of high school, that she was bulimic at the time. So, it's not a tradition, it was just a little sarcasm..... Bel |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
ahh okay your reply helped me understand it better bel. i first read it and was like "huh??" after re-reading it i think i find it pretty interesting. that's sort of ironic that your mother suffered from the same disease you do. this poem is pretty full of black humor (haha just call me captain obvious) on the serious note...if you have a problem i really think you should try to get help for it. hopefully you already are. thanks for sharing this, i really like it. e-mail me if you wanna talk, i think mine is listed. -fear- i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
Great poem Isabel, I liked the structure and the tone because they made it a very strong poem. First I've read of yours I think and I am liking what I see! Keep writing! ^*~Kicking Kim~*^  "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
very vivid post... i really liked it  |
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Dylan Poe Junior Member
since 2001-07-10
Posts 13Illinois, USA |
The descriptiveness of this poem paints a painful picture of what it's like to deal with the cosmetic pressures of todays world. Sarcasm or not, it was very insightful. If life's a stage |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
I thought the it flowed well and such I just didnt' understand it lol. But anyways good stuff we fall like the stars then rise like the sun..Repentence.Forgiveness.We are blame worthy hold us to our wrongs..but don't hold our wrongs against us |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really like this but the fact that you want to carry on tradition, and i know you said it sarcastically, but yer still putting yourself through this unhealthy situation...it's just sad..... anyhow nice poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this poem had a nice touch to it...i enjoyed the read ...great job!im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Isabel, this is really sad. Very well written, and the symbolism is AWESOME. But like Javi said, even saying you need to carry on the tradition (sarcastic or not) seems to be unhealthy to me, and putting you in a bad situation. Nice work. I enjoyed this. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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CLBinLOVE Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147Hilton Head, SC, USA |
well like everyone else, i was lost at the end of that poem, maybe not completly lost, but anyway the post did help alot hehe did u ever get the whole story from ur mom? anyway very vivid symbolism, especially the glass, like a weird dream that you can barly remeber or understand, but certain parts stay in ur head forever. "as below so above and beyond i imagine |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
OH! Excellent! Your poems amaze me, Bel and usually end up in the library. This is no exception. Don't carry on this particular tradition though. ~AF~ Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was a great poem. had a power lurking behind your words. sad but great. regina |
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