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Teen Poetry #5
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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Untitled |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL 
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This isn't quite finished and I don't have a title for it... I am open to any suggestions.  I have to stop the blame the shame he betrayed me I just couldn't see the guilt I felt the pain he dealt it was his lies that once filled my eyes it seemed forever this heart ache to endeavor the honesty hurt but was my first alert What don't kill you can only make you stronger... |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jessica Langford - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I really like where you are going with this, Jess #2 (haha) I can't wait to see the finished product. [This message has been edited by Spice (edited 07-07-2001).] |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nicely done..jess#2 ...so far..i like it...hope to see the end result soon!im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
I'm liking what you have so far a lot. Make sure you post the whole thing when you get it finished, I'd love to hear how it sounds completed. - Cody - |
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Empty tears Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 64 |
This is great! I cant wait to read it once its finished! Death is but an escape from loneliness |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I didn't like this as much as some of your others. I hope to see some more work of yours though!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Starnite Junior Member
since 2001-07-05
Posts 41Wisconsin |
I like what you got so far. I hope you finsh and post it!! **Sarah |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Nicely done. I cant wait to see the finishing touches! *Amanda* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
It looks really ood so far Jessica I hope to see the finished version soon Thanks for sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
No suggestions for a title sorry but your last stanza was really good. The entire piece read well and it flowed nicely. Thanks for the read. ~AF~ Psychopathic chickens are plotting against me... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This isnt my fave by you, Jess, but it's still pretty good. I was thinking "Betrayed" would be a title to think about. Nicely done, here, I can't wait to read more from you soon. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Sounds nice. One thing I'd like to point out. "it was his lies, that once filled my eyes" The word 'once' sort of knocks the syllable scheme out of whack a bit. It sounds a bit more put together if you take out the 'once'. Anyway, other than that, I think its pretty good. 'Betrayed' does sound like a good title. -Kosetsu "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." - Shakespeare |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i can relate to this one 100%...well done on this jess i liked it a lot ( although it sent shivers down my spine )...thanks for sharing |
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