»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
confusion
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
confusion |
|
|
stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world 
|
Confusion sitting here alone I don't know what to do all that fills my mind are single thoughts of you I look around me and see everyone in love could this be me? could this be from above? my thoughts are confused my minds gone mad my heart is filled with joy and is so very glad my mind tells me no my heart tells me yes what do I do? I can only guess such confusion in my life but I don't want to lose you because I know in my heart that I love you Zu. my mind however says that this isn't right how can you love someone after you put up such a fight I faught to be alone I tried to stay single but yet I love you so I just don't understand maybe I am meant to fall head over heels this time yet I stare at the wall as I think of this silly rhyme all I'm trying to do is verbalized my confusion and I hope to see you soon so I can get you off of my mind. -->Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Stacy Caudill - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
angel_2401 Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 131Cincinnati, OH |
This is a great poem Stace! And remember, someone does care!   I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
||
|
Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I liked this alot, Stace. Nice read. The rhyming added a nice touch. The flow was great up until the 7th stanza. You stopped rhyming-Then started again- then stopped again in the last stanza. All in all though a very good write. |
||
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This was a nicely written poem, aStace. I enjoyed it, as usual The flow throughout is very inconsistent. It's great in a few places, like the first and sixth stanza. There are many places where a word could be added to a line to make the stanza much more readable. For example, the second stanza reads: "I look around me and see everyone in love could this be me? could this be from above?" The first line has too many syllables, and the third line has too few. I think you could go through the whole poem and touch up a few things here and there. Don't be afraid to change around the lines... you might be surprised with what the finished product will be. This poem is well written, and you portray such feelings of confusion, that the reader can't help but wish you the best in the situation. So good luck... I hope things turn out well. Again, nice work here. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
||
|
TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
At times we all feel like no one cares about us, but it's not true.This poem I can relate to a lot and I really enjoyed it.Keep up the awsome work! Lauren |
||
|
fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
aye i agree with marie...just do not have the typing skills to type so much. this poem was pretty good, i think u have the talent to make it better though. thanks for the read. -fear- emotions are like evil serpents that coil around your mind---me "i cannot save you, i can't even save myself"--stabbing westward |
||
|
angel_2401 Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 131Cincinnati, OH |
I know this poem is not perfect, and I know I probably made a whole lot of mistakes in it. but it took me maybe 3 minutes to write this poem so I could release everything I was feeling. such inner turmoil...ahh, I'll live lolthanks for replying though, I'll probably make it better somewhere down the line..oops,I just realised that I did this under Kristin's name...OOOPS!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL, that's what I get for staying the night at her house and then not signing in under my own name.... [This message has been edited by angel_2401 (edited 07-06-2001).] |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
LOL @ Stace. I was wonderin why Kris was saying all that... This was a very good release of your feelings Sometimes everyone needs that vent. Writing does wonders.. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nicely written Stace ...great job on expressing it.[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-07-2001).] |
||
|
Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Nice writing. The flow could have been a little better, but I see Marie has already pointed that out, so I'll be on my way! *Amanda* |
||
|
stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
let me explain a little something here. the reason I posted this at all was cuz Kristin and my friend Matt told me I should...I wrote it cuz I was talkin to them and thinkin about Zu quite alot...and I was so confused because I've tried to stay single by thinking to myself that all guys are jerks and this and that...then I met Zu who's a total sweetheart, and I love him to death, but it's like my mind is still trying to tell me it's wrong, when I KNOW it's right...ya know what I mean? well, I guess it's just me...but that's the only way I know to explain it... -->Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile. |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
WEIRDO! haha ok no.... anyhow.....I liked this poem but thought the "maybe this is from above" line was just plugged in there simply cuz it ryhmed with love. I didn't really feel it. Anyhow I liked this one.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
angel_2401 Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 131Cincinnati, OH |
this isnt kristin hehehe its your nemesis STACEY hehehe youll never find out who I am hehehe |
||
|
stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
*sits and ponders* hmm....this could be her daddy, her brother, Matt (which he swears it's not him)....but, I bet it's her DAD!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE ZU, hey Albie, Cody, Allan, Carly, Cherish, Lizzy, Kris, *HUGS JAVI*, Tamma, Acire, and Branden. |
||
|
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Stace, some pretty deep thoughts in here. Hopefully you're dancing around the garden now with a sugar plum fairy. Nicely writtten with a little touch of Stace magick. ~AF~ GREMLINS ARE TRYING TO STEAL MY PANTS!!!!!!! *sobs* |
||
branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Stace, Me and you have talked and talked and well i know that you really do love zu and theres nothing or no one that can keep you from doing it dont run away, dont hurt yourself, cuz pain is the worst feeling in the world i got kinda confused by your feelings to but dont quit keep fighting and you will come out on top...Best of luck Zu, You've got yourself not only a Girlfriend but you've also got a wonderful friend and beautiful person.. Nice poem you expressed your feelings well and it gave me a chance to respond with my heart. All you other poets beware my true feelings and poetry are about to flare! |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
one question.....Why fight it? But in the end, it's still your decision all we can do is open our mouths and it's all up to you whether you listen to anyone of us or not. I just hope you find the right decision good luck hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
||
|
Punk Angel Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 66Pennsylvania, US |
i think its a great poem, i dont think you should change nething, u wrote what u felt!! Punk Angel |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
