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Teen Poetry #5
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once upon a time.... (thankyou dan)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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once upon a time.... (thankyou dan) |
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thedarkangel Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 74~*~the cutest~*~ |
~*~this may sound depressing but it's all true, and it's dedicated to dan cos he lifted me out of this black place and showed me the light~*~ Once upon a time there was a little girl and every night she'd go get high somebody would lace her drink and for a moment she could fly She'd meet up with her older boyfriend who'd always carry her to his home he'd kiss her then relentlesly beat her gaze at her bruises then leave her to cry alone There was a time when she would cut her wrists to try and escape the pain tears welled up just like the blood she'd sob and try again Every day the scars grew and her boyfriend beat her more until one day she punched his nose and pushed him out of the door the bruises and scars took time to fade and she tried to release her pain until one day someone walked into her life and taught her how to love again from the minute she first spoke to him she knew he was the one and from the day she met him she knew her sad days were done He started out as a friend but they both wanted it to be more when one day he said "i think i love you" the little girls heart began to soar Scars take time to fade and bruises will do too claddagh rings wore the wrong way round the way i look at you shows my love is true You're my angel daniel and i owe you more than i can think and now i can fly freely without anyone lacing my drink. ~*~it's a sad poem. i seem to be writing more of them when i'm not with you!love you much c u on haleys trampoline on sat!~*~ The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip ~*~jon bon jovi~*~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 laura - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Whoa Laura... Absolutely awesome write. I'm totally impressed. I'm sorry all those things happened to you- But I'm so happy you found your love. Wonderful Write here! Just wonderful! |
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branden726 
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
This is very nice i agree but...one thing wrong it comes very close to a couple of subjects that are not allowed in the forums but i dont know it might slide might not awsome poem im sorry that all that happend to you. |
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thedarkangel Member
since 2001-05-12
Posts 74~*~the cutest~*~ |
oh my god i'm sorry i didn't know you weren't allowed to talk about these things... i honestly didn't i'm so sorry if i upset someone! i don't mean to *hugs*!!it was just my experience of getting out of a dangerous relationship. i'm sorry if offend/hurt anyone! i love you all! laura ~*~ The road ahead is as long as you make it. Make it worth the trip ~*~jon bon jovi~*~ |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Laura, you arent allowed to talk about alot of the things, because its a "family forum"...ya whatever its kinda weird i think in my opinon. This was really amazing, awesome tribute to your boyfriend. I wish you two all the best.  Regina If you only understood my pain then maybe you could learn to be my friend. Be there. My crying shoulder. The smiles. And the caring i need to survive. |
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WHiTePoNY Junior Member
since 2001-06-17
Posts 13South London. UK |
Thanks babe! i dont really know what to say? I know you care for me and I care so much about you! this made me quite sad but made me smile in places! love you so much babe! xxxXXXxxx "Push back the square |
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TunaKaHuna Junior Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 19United States |
Laura, it was great to see such a story come to a good ending. It was a shame that you had to be the one to endure all that you did, but the good ending is here, and I know that you will now do just fine. Your poem showed your saddness, but more importantly, your happiness which you deserve in life. Great poem, keep it up. Stay just as happy. --Brenton |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Laura, it's very sad that you had to endure all that pain caused by someone else's insecurities and need for power. You didn't deserve it. However, I'm very glad you're happy now, and that someone's treating you the way you deserve to be treated. I'm glad you're happy... the way you should have been all along. This is a very good poem, and I enjoyed it a lot. Nicely done --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
wow I liked this poem a lot Im so glad that it had a happy ending |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
this poem was kool, i wish you luck with your boyfriend. -fear- i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
I liked this one very uch. Not one of your poems has failed to impress me! Keep writing!  ^*~Kicking Kim~*^ "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this had so much beauty..at the same time soo sad...but the end had hope ...i like how you told it...wonderful job![This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-07-2001).] |
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zarina Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180 |
It was sad.. but still kind of a sweet ending. I liked it. |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
I am glad that you escaped such a dangerous situation. The flow was off in the 8th stanza, but it did not sound too bad. Great job. *Amanda* |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was a bit borderline talking about your drive to want to comit the final act of a life....but it did say that found a loved one to save you....I thought that was sweet. I also feel that the stanza before last lost a bit of flow and scheme....other than that the poem was great.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I too almost immediately locked it for review. But as you read along the lines of the poem, it shows that there is life in the future Hope others learn from this thanks for sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oooo this one is very powerful. It is fantastic to see that someone has brought out of a place like that into a warm, loving environment. Thanks for this. I really enjoyed it. ~AF~ Psychopathic chickens are plotting against me... |
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