The day you came into my life

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branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

0 posted 2001-07-03 02:38 PM

The day you came into my life,
So great,
No pain,
Everything in mind about a perfect day,
Everything you had said made me wonder why i lay here in bed,
Sick, Painfull in desperate need,
Someone to love, someone who wont leave.

Plz come back i beg,
Plz dont leave,
You looked and me and said bye i will always love you,
I asked you not to go,
Not to put your life on the line,
But as required by law,
To war you must go,
My intent was good almost great,
If you wouldnt have went,
I wouldnt be at this grave.

P.s. I wrote this just thinking of how the wifes of some of the men that had to go to all them wars but never came back.

I hope ppl read this, i know i havent posted in a while ive been busy in teenchat sometime come see me.

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-07-03 03:21 PM

Hi Branden.

I really enjoyed this.
It was a great write.
More, More!

Bye!

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

2 posted 2001-07-03 03:23 PM

LoL you want more? well im not gonna flood the forums im up to about 1/2 a day. Thanks for the reply

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

3 posted 2001-07-03 03:29 PM

Well, I think the rust is washing away. This was very nice, considering it is something that you dont personally feel, I am assuming. Great job!

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

4 posted 2001-07-03 03:34 PM

Great piece!

HeAvEnS AnGeL
Member

since 2001-05-17

Posts 168
The Hot Girl From Canada

5 posted 2001-07-03 07:28 PM

hey Baby branden! nice post

And i want more too!

HeAvEnS AnGeL
Member

since 2001-05-17

Posts 168
The Hot Girl From Canada

6 posted 2001-07-03 07:28 PM

hey Baby branden! nice post

And i want more too!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-07-03 07:32 PM

I thought the intent was nice, but I've seen better from you. My suggestion is to put a bit more feeling into your poems....I'm sure you felt this one cuz I did a bit while reading it, but I know you can put more heart into this. I liked it though. I hope to see more as well.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

angel_2401
Member

since 2001-06-12

Posts 131
Cincinnati, OH

8 posted 2001-07-03 07:35 PM

This is good, and I agree with them, more!!

I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

9 posted 2001-07-03 11:02 PM

Well thanx and dope i guess your right more heart would be good i mean i havent wrote in a while and you can bet it will get bettter i promise

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

10 posted 2001-07-03 11:07 PM

BRANDEN!!!!!!

*hugs Branden*

MORE SAYS I!!!!!!!!
I like it!!

*hugs again*
bye bye!!!!!!!!!!! :waves:

[This message has been edited by stace_co2003 (edited 07-03-2001).]

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

11 posted 2001-07-03 11:22 PM

I thought this was okay, the content is good, and the point of the poem was nice. I thought lots of emotion was lacking in this piece, though. I didn't connect with it in the slightest. This isn't your best work. Thanks for sharing.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

12 posted 2001-07-04 02:49 AM

yea..this was great and all..but i totally agree with Marie on this...very clear content and message was nicely written...but definitly a lot of emotions lacked...the feeling wasnt just there.

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-04-2001).]

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

13 posted 2001-07-04 05:53 PM

Very strong poem, I am glad you are back, this is the first of your poems I have read and I hope you are now back for good! Keep writing!!

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

14 posted 2001-07-05 10:24 AM

I am back truthfully for a while, i left pip because my lack of intrest in writting oh no right yeah thats pretty bad considering that i um used to love it well the flame is back and other poets beware cuz im about to flare.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

15 posted 2001-07-08 10:01 PM

very well written piece indeed Branden. I enjoyed it a lot. hope to see more. keep sharing

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

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