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Teen Poetry #5
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the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan

0 posted 2001-07-03 01:06 PM


manifest desire
ignite the fire
that which burns within
which consumes my sin
present danger lurks near
flesh consumes me with fear
while the spirit calls my name
the flesh desires much fame

manifest lust
no way to trust
a desire that consumes
with deadly fumes
left me strangled
my spirit mangled
while the spirit calls my name
my flesh lusts left untame

manifest sin
a death within
complete darkness
needing forgiveness
sinner claiming victory
rewritting his history
new faith in God
his world no longer a facade

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

© Copyright 2001 the_rescue - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2001-07-03 01:17 PM


wow, I like this one a lot!  
branden726
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607
Bay City, MI
2 posted 2001-07-03 02:41 PM


Hey Hey Hey, Well this is a great poem i havent read one like this in a while let alone wrote one in a while.
Brad Majors
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Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
3 posted 2001-07-03 03:23 PM


This is a very good piece. Keep writing!
Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA
4 posted 2001-07-03 03:24 PM


     Wow...it makes you think about it.  Is it just me or is there a change in the perspective.  Or not the perspective, but the frae of reference changed.  I donno, that's what I think ,and I like the idea and the poem itself, well chosen words, great read!

No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
5 posted 2001-07-03 03:29 PM


Hey Rescue.  
I really liked this alot.
It flowed nicely.
A wonderful job here!


Heavens Tears
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

6 posted 2001-07-03 03:34 PM


I didnt like the beginning for some reason, but as I read on, I really did like it.  Great job!  

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
7 posted 2001-07-03 08:06 PM


I really thought the poem rocked, but found the ending to be a tad weak. I think you can work on that a bit. Anyhow, nicely done here.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-07-03 08:24 PM


great poem...youw rote it very nicely...enjoyed the read ...hope to see more...bye.

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Fading Away
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since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
9 posted 2001-07-04 11:52 AM


This is pretty good.  I thought the whole thing was lacking... I've read better pieces from you.  I still enjoyed this, so nice work.  Thanks for sharing.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

Dr. Jo-Bizz
Member
since 2001-06-06
Posts 97

10 posted 2001-07-04 10:40 PM


good job jimmy.  i liked it.     


jo

But His word was in my heart
like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding back,
And I could not.

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA
11 posted 2001-07-04 10:56 PM


Great poem, I liked it

      - Cody -

If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA
12 posted 2001-07-04 10:56 PM


Great poem, I liked it

      - Cody -

If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
13 posted 2001-07-14 12:12 PM


That is really good.  
Unlike Dopey, I thought the ending was just right
Keep it up.

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

JBaker515
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Member
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458
Dartmouth College
14 posted 2001-07-14 12:17 PM


ya this was a well written piece...

ending was...lets just say good..
could of been better, but then again so couldnt everything..

keep it up!

~Jeff~

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."



anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
15 posted 2001-07-15 03:01 AM


Your second stanza kicked major ass!! Actually, the whole piece was really well done but the second stanza just wowed me to bits.  
Thanks for sharing this.  

~AF~

Psychopathic chickens are plotting against me...

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