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Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

0 posted 2001-07-01 08:14 PM

Hey everyone, I just wrote this one in about 5 minutes, but hey, what the heck

My follow-up to my poem about the phone call will be up as soon as I talk to the person I was trying to reach, so BE PATIENT!

*hehe*

A Minute

It only took a minute
to be touched by your smile.
It only took a minute
to know you are worthwhile.
It only took a minute
for my head to spin like crazy.
It only took a minute
for my vision to get hazy.
But...
It only took a minute
for you to break my heart.
It only took a minute
to tear my soul apart.
It only took a minute
for tears to fill my eyes.
It only took a minute
to say our “sorries” and “goodbyes.”

Even though everything between us
happened way too quickly, too fast,
I wish I could put the world on hold
and go back and change our past.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

[This message has been edited by Suga_Baby (edited 07-02-2001).]

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-07-01 10:08 PM

i loved the message...great poem...enjoyed greatly...awesome job in 5mins..lol...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-07-02 12:24 PM

Oh wow! I can SO relate to this. WONDERFUL work. The repition in the first stanza worked very well, and the progression of each stanza into the next was excellent. This is a very well-written poem. The ending hit home OH so hard. I know exactly what that feels like... all too well. Well done.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

3 posted 2001-07-02 02:23 AM

i really enjoyed the repetition in this piece.

however i can't say i'm a big fan of the last stanza. maybe it's just me, but i would like it better if you stuck to the 'it only took a minute' deal throughout the whole piece.

great job though.

on a side note:

*sorries, not sorrys.

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-07-02 10:48 AM

I liked this alot Sara.
The repition was good.
I'm sure alot of people will relate to this.
You did a great job.
Keep posting.

Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

5 posted 2001-07-02 04:10 PM

Thsi is so awesome! I love it so much!!! Great work as usual Sara!!!

Love-
Teenie

-=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=-

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

6 posted 2001-07-03 01:31 PM

awww i like this sara. sooo true! *sniff*
and i didnt gank ur title :p u ganked mine *nods* but ill let u keep it cuz i liked ur poem. dont u feel specials now? :p newAyz.. great job!
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

7 posted 2001-07-03 03:08 PM

Awww Sara...this is sweet! I'm still not sure how the repetition affects the feeling in it, but ... oh to hell with analyzing it, I love it! Thanks and thanks also for comments on mine.

No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

8 posted 2001-07-03 03:12 PM

I really liked this one. Some poems that use the same line that this get monotonous, but your sounded great! And we all look forward to your follow up poem!

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

9 posted 2001-07-03 07:33 PM

Nicely done here Sara. Me gusto. I hope to see more of your poems up.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

angel_2401
Member

since 2001-06-12

Posts 131
Cincinnati, OH

10 posted 2001-07-03 07:39 PM

I can soooo relate to this! I think this is very well written for just 5 mins!

I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

11 posted 2001-07-05 06:15 PM

I love the idea of the form of the poem. The repetitions made it very good. Thanks for sharing

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

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