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obscurity of cloud
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since 2001-05-11
Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

0 posted 2001-06-28 12:48 PM


i avoid cliché like the plague

and i’ve put you out of sight,
out of mind and out of my redundant head

i’ve woken before dawn everyday,
but over the past decade i’ve never
caught a lover or even a worm
without the perfect mix of vinegar and honey

absence makes the days grow longer
and my aching broken heart
still mourns the memories
soaked in love potion number nine
and romeo’s cyanide suicide

to err is human
but to sing over water at midnight
is the closest to divinity i’ve ever come
le beau est “toujours” bizarre
but “still” and “always” mean the same thing
in french.

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

© Copyright 2001 obscurity of cloud - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
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1 posted 2001-06-28 01:18 AM


hehehe...i liekd it ...very interetsing on how youw rote it...i enjoyed this one graetly...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Marshalzu
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since 2001-02-15
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Lurking
2 posted 2001-06-28 07:24 AM


Great work I really enjoyed the read, well done and keep on sharing  
Andrew

"Here we are again finding ourselves at the end Of the wrong stick I guess it's far too late I'm building up the barricades In my head" -My Vitriol

the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan
3 posted 2001-06-28 08:00 AM


good stuff i liked it I didn't get the humor though it was probably above my head I like simple jokes like why did the chicken cross the road ...to prove to the possum it could be done, sorry got it from my driving teacher but yes I liked the flow and stuff I"m just to short to get those tall jokes

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

Fading Away
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Lynchburg, Virginia
4 posted 2001-06-28 08:27 PM


This is interesting... very interesting.  I also did not get the humor in this poem, maybe it went over my head.  But I really liked some of the lines... they were very creative.  "but "still" and "always" mean the same thing in french."  That line was awesome!  And the stanza that opens saying how absense makes the days grow longer was amazing.  It flowed wonderfully, and talking about how the memories were soaked in love potion number nine was very creative.  This is a very good poem, although I didn't find it humorous.  Nice work!

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-06-29 03:13 AM


This was so amazing. A masterpiece! OMG! This was such an awesome poem. YOU! You are awesome. I am a fan of your writing and you just never cease to amaze me. I smirked at the end, but other than that the humor, I did not see......I see a light of pure talent. You are awesome.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
6 posted 2001-06-29 08:26 AM


OK, ok, I didn't see the humour in this either but the ideas that you have in this are very creative. There is a talent in you and I love reading what you deliver.

Keep on sharing these wonderful pieces with all of us.  

~AF~

Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!!

Acies
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Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-06-30 02:22 AM


That was a very interesting read.  With regards to the humor, for some reason, I just didn't get it.  But all in all the poem was done excellently.  thanks for the read

hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

Jenn Cirrincione
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Fl
8 posted 2001-06-30 08:55 AM


Very creative and unique here. Nice work on it!!  

"Woah my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time"- Unchained Melody

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
9 posted 2001-07-01 01:11 PM


WOW! I absolutely LOVE this. So different. This was extremely interesting. Thats it! You forced me to do it...I'm making a library.    Keep posting!  
Heavens Tears
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10 posted 2001-07-01 04:35 PM


Honestly, I did not see the humor either, but I did enjoy the 3rd stanza.  It was great.  It was am interesting poem.

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg
11 posted 2001-08-10 05:06 PM


Haha..... this is BRILLIANT!     Well I don't see how you can miss the humour in this if you know what a cliche is... I thought this was remarkably clever.  Very, very good work.

Blood Moon
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Kicking Kim
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since 2001-04-16
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Cloud Cucko Land!
12 posted 2001-08-10 06:17 PM


"Romeos cyonide suicide"!  This was an excellent line, I really enjoyed the poem and *you're humour was great!*  Wonderful poem!!  



^*~Kicking Kim~*^  

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

AngelShell
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since 2000-03-01
Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
13 posted 2001-08-11 04:06 AM


Wow, this is REALLY good, I don't about the humor...this is real quality poetry.

~First they tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place, then they tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else~

California Rockstar
Junior Member
since 2001-08-09
Posts 13
State of Confusion
14 posted 2001-08-11 05:44 PM


It isn't very often someone other than Sylvia Plath can make me just sit speechless after a poem...but you have managed to do so. Thank you. This was just what i needed to read today.
Child of the Stars
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15 posted 2001-08-11 10:19 PM


Hehehe, this was trulygreat. A very good piece and enjoyed verrryyy much by yours truly. Don't stop don't stop!!
  ~Carly

Speak softly and carry a beagle.

"Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught."
   ~Edouard Manet

[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 08-11-2001).]

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