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Teen Poetry #5
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Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733


0 posted 2001-06-26 11:43 PM


(These are MY thoughts, not my mothers...read on)

I described my appearence in a dress
Mom said I need to do crunches and walk
Like I can't figure that out on my own
Like the thoughts don't go through my mind
"You're so fat"
"Put down the food, you fat ugly _"
Like I don't have mirrors
Like I don't have labels on my pants
"How do you have a boyfriend?"
"You couldn't look good if you tried!  Who are you kidding?"
Like I don't see how skinny they are
Like I don't look into the mirror and cry
"You stupid stupid _. Why did you eat that? You KNEW what it'd do to you"
"What's he going to say when you gain weight? Huh? WHAT?"
Like I don't worry
Like I don't break down
"I bet he looks at other girls.  I bet he envies other guys.  Look at you!"
"The only reason guys look at you is your boobs!"
Like I don't have my hell
Like I don't make myself sick
"He won't think you're pretty if you gain any weight."
"Oh stop fooling yourself, you're ugly, you know it.  He probably knows it too!  Stupid stupid girl"
Like I don't shake from exercise
Like I don't eat a "meal" a day
"Why aren't you skinny? It's been over a year!"
"You fail, you fail at everything."
Like I don't try
Like I don't beat myself up every day
I don't live up to my standards.
You can't figure that out.

- I can't convey the feeling or harshness of my own thoughts about myself, these aren't even the really bad ones.
Acire, Dopey, or whoever moderates this, obviously I took a few things out.  Go on, edit whatever you want, edit it until it fits right into the guidlines, until it's not even mine anymore.  I don't care. I don't care-


"And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an anorexia life"
- "Ana's Song", Silverchair

[This message has been edited by Dopey_Dope (edited 06-27-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Isabel Galaxia - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2001-06-27 12:03 PM


honey, are you ok? I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad right now.....this breaks my heart.....I don't have to see you to know how beautiful you are   the number on the scale isn't what makes you pretty.....it's your heart, your soul.....beauty glows from the inside out. Please, if you need someone, anyone, I'm here. (((hugs))) to you sweetie....~SEA
Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-06-27 01:23 AM


I edited only two things. Nicely done though. I think that this is a horrible situation you've been going through for a while and I've given you advice on this, but oh well.
Hope things get better.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Shygirl82
Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245
Ilinois
3 posted 2001-06-27 04:23 AM


Wow..man...I honestly dont know what to say and I know whatever I say wont be enough...I too say horrible things like this to myself and I know that no matter what anyone says..it doesnt get any better...I know you dont know me very well or at all probably but please if you need to talk do not hesitate to email me...
~Nikki~

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
4 posted 2001-06-27 05:02 AM


wow...this is really said isabel.  i agree with SEA, all those perfect images of toothpick thin girls that the media feeds us are fake.  you should just be happy as yourself.  be thankful for what you have, you're obviously a talented poetess.  my advice is get professional help.  good poem....so sad and desperate though.  i hope you figure this out, and feel better! smiiiiiiile!! if u ever need to talk, e-mail me.
-fear-

emotions are like evil serpents that coil around your mind---me "i cannot save you, i can't even save myself"--stabbing westward

Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
5 posted 2001-06-27 01:26 PM


Wow this was really heavy, I enjoyed the read though... sorry your having such a tough time... I agree with what both SEA and Fearing-laughter have to say, the media doesn't truly reflect peoples taste's does it. Anyway hope things get better and thanks for the great read  
Andrew.

"Here we are again finding ourselves at the end Of the wrong stick I guess it's far too late I'm building up the barricades In my head" -My Vitriol

the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan
6 posted 2001-06-27 02:12 PM


Isabel hmmm lots of pain and such here I understand how you could feel this way do I understand the feelings no..you don't have to fit into the american model of beauty be be beautiful, its all in how you carry yourself how you act your personalty, your actions and confidence speak much louder than physical beauty ever could.  well at least to me, I go for a girl with great personality and such you know.  The poem was good you expressed your feelings well, but don't let a sterotype bring you down

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

CLBinLOVE
Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA
7 posted 2001-06-27 09:09 PM


hey babe,
well ive already said as much as i can, i cant think of anything new, wish i could make it all go away though.  i sorry baby.
well written though...

i am blinded by the silence of a breaking heart... i cant see myself

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
8 posted 2001-06-27 10:49 PM


Wow, Bel.  This is deep.  I'm so sorry that you have endure this.  I hope you know you don't deserve it.  No one does.
Nice work... I enjoyed this.  *hugs*  I'm sorry.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

9 posted 2001-06-28 12:48 PM


this must be soo hard...i hope everything turns out better...heavy stuff here...*sigh*...stay in there ...bye.

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
10 posted 2001-06-28 12:09 PM


hey riceAroni, you ok?  
you know you can talk to me anytime
I hope you do rid of this obsession and start feeling good about yourself
talk to me when you see me online, ok?

hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

Heavens Tears
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

11 posted 2001-06-28 12:13 PM


Woah...
Too many poems today are hitting home.  I really hope that you are getting help for this.  I know it must be hard for you hearing all of these things from someone you should look up to.  Email me sometime if you want to talk.  

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Heavens Tears
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

12 posted 2001-06-28 12:14 PM


Sorry, I forgot to hit the button, and it deserves to be in the library...
Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

13 posted 2001-06-28 07:17 PM


SEA- To be honest, no, I'm not.  I know I should be happy with what I have..or at least that's what people say..  Thank you.
Dopey- I know, I'm sorry...I don't know why.
Shygirl- I know exactly what you mean.  I'll remember that, thank you.
Fear- Thank you, I'll remember that too.
Andrew-*sigh* thanks
Rescue- I know what you mean.
Craig- It's not your fault, but I know you blame yourself.  You can't protect me from myself.  I don't know what else to tell you.
Marie- I've meant to e-mail you for a while now.  It's a bit hectic, I'll get around to it soon.
A.Albert- I will  
acire- No muchacho.  I will.
Heavens Angel- I'll remember that.  Thanks.
Thank you all for replying, it means a lot really.
Bel

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
14 posted 2001-06-29 07:05 AM


Oh man, Bel... *big hugs*

Such thoughts will only destroy you. I hope that you can find something or someone to give you strength for this situation. Every person is gorgeous, including you, and you should always remember that.

~AF~

Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!!

stace_co2003
Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497
In a dream world
15 posted 2001-07-01 10:32 AM


hey, I understand where you are coming from completely. in this day and age you practically have to be model thin and with big boobs to be noticed by guys. well, some guys. there are guys out there who will love you for you and not look at what size clothes you wear, or anything like that. the personality is always so much better than appearances. at least...and talking to several guys about it, they say that's what they place first. keep your chin up and realise that you don't have to take the abuse from yourself. change your pattern of thinking. that's all the advice I can give. stop obsessing, and realise how BEAUTIFUL and UNIQUE you are.
and if u ever need to talk, email me--> Stacyc161@hotmail.com

-->Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
-->Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

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