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FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

0 posted 2001-06-25 07:08 PM

They bounce off of my umbrela,
and shatter on the street,
those little crystal raindrops.

They fall off of angels,
when the ethereal beings cry,
those little crystal raindrops.

They fall off of children,
with scraped knees and such,
those precious crystal raindrops.

~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~
~*~I say it is the written word.~*~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-06-25 07:11 PM

you could go much further with this one

beautiful!

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

2 posted 2001-06-25 07:12 PM

Hey,

This is so cute I loved it so much I am putting it in my library

little rain drops they are the best. Why is rain so calmin to me hehe ?? Until your next peice

-- Linc

       "Blood Moon"
   Host: Lark.crodo.com
         Port:1313

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-06-25 07:29 PM

I agree with SEA. You can go further! I challenge you to expand on this a little more. I can't wait to see what you come up with. This is very good, I liked the repition of "The little crystal raindrops." My favorite lines were, "They fall off of angels,/when the ethereal beings cry." I really enjoyed this, Fox. MORE, MORE

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

4 posted 2001-06-25 10:20 PM

I really like this..it's short but cute. now what youshould do, is expand upon it...you could make a great piece even better

I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem.

Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

5 posted 2001-06-25 10:38 PM

My continuation:
But the sadest time when they fall,
is when the darkness is there,
they fall from the eyes of an army.
Those little crystal raindrops.

When someone dies the crystals turn to stone,
then back to crystals again,
to reflect the rainbow within,
those little crystal raindrops.

~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~
~*~I say it is the written word.~*~

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

6 posted 2001-06-26 12:43 PM

FoxXena-
this is really sweet, and paints
a very lovely picture...

enjoyed it much!

smiles,
~vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

7 posted 2001-06-26 12:43 PM

hmmmm...this is pretty cool. i'm glad you continued it..have you thought about going even farther?? good work.
-fear-

emotions are like evil serpents that coil around your mind---me "i cannot save you, i can't even save myself"--stabbing westward

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

8 posted 2001-06-26 05:31 PM

I'll complete it someday.

~*~It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people...~*~
~*~I say it is the written word.~*~

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

9 posted 2001-06-26 06:51 PM

Oh please do! PLEASE DO! I love it! So delicate...

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

10 posted 2001-06-26 09:53 PM

this is such a wonderful image!! i really love what you've done with this, it's almost tangible. I'm about to read the conclusion you've posted as well--wonderful idea!

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

11 posted 2001-06-27 01:11 AM

I liked this one a lot. Very well written. I felt a lot of innocence in this one. It touched me nicely

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

12 posted 2001-06-27 02:16 PM

i liked this good job

one morning you wake up afraid you are going to live

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

13 posted 2001-06-28 06:22 AM

I really don't like the way you changed that last line. You should have kept it the same as the others.

The imagery of crystal raindrops was great. Well done.

~AF~

Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!!

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

14 posted 2001-06-29 12:52 PM

I seem to have read the later part of this poem first. But still a beautiful piece. keep em coming

hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

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