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Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

0 posted 2001-06-23 05:59 PM

This isnt my best work, I know, but I figured I would share it with you guys anyway. I still have writers block I'm trying to write through it.

I'm chasing away the shadows
Running away with the rain
Holding onto tomorrow
Trying hard not to go insane

I'm holding onto tomorrow
Wishing my every dream to come true
Trying to catch a cloud in a box
Attempting to get over you

I'm trying to catch a cloud in a box
Trying to live my impossible dream
But the word impossible gets in my way
And my dream fades away, it may seem

To get away from my life
I am running away with the rain
And I hope that when I get where I'm going
I will cease to feel this pain

*~*Amanda*~*

I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.
Why couldn't I stop until I had died?
It was hate for myself hidden inside.

[This message has been edited by Heavens Tears (edited 06-25-2001).]

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-06-23 06:25 PM

Hey Amanda.
Great write here.
I enjoyed it.
I hope all gets better.
Keep posting.

~Jessica.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-06-23 06:46 PM

This is a pretty good piece, Amanda. Not bad at all considering you have writer's block. The rhyme scheme was overall good. There were a few places where the flow was interrupted, or a little choppy, I would say that would mostly be because of the syllable count, but I'll leave it up to Allan to show me wrong

Nice work. I enjoyed this... and I know the feeling. The emotions portrayed here are all too familiar.
Well done.

--Marie

"Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising. So this old world must still be spinning 'round. And I still love you." –James T

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-06-23 07:06 PM

Marie took the words out of my mouth. Gotta love her.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

4 posted 2001-06-23 07:39 PM

And you have writer's block? That ain't writer's block, that's writer's inconvenience! Very well done!
Rhonda

"Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardeil *insert hysterical laughter from me here*

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-06-23 11:58 PM

wow!...i really liked this poem...some things i can relate to...and youw rote it well

...hope to see more...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-06-24 01:54 AM

This was pretty good.
I enjoyed and appreciate the read
thanks for sharing
well done

hi Sweets, Kris, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

7 posted 2001-06-24 09:32 AM

Hey,

I liked it

very nice! although I never chase shadows away I run and get a flashlight

hehe okay great poem, until your next

-- Linc

       "Blood Moon"
   Host: Lark.crodo.com
         Port:1313

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

8 posted 2001-06-24 12:54 PM

Great work I really enjoyed the read

Andrew

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

9 posted 2001-06-24 02:43 PM

This is a beautiful write, for someone with writer's block! Lovely imagery. There were some parts where the flow didn't work out for me (first stanza, last line) but that was pretty much it. I'm just being picky.

Anyways, I hope you get over your writer's block soon!

-Leah

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

10 posted 2001-06-24 07:18 PM

for having writer's block, you do fine!

obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

11 posted 2001-06-24 11:22 PM

ok you're about to hear from Ms AntiRhyme (well, for this month)...i would just forget the rhyme scheme altogether and re-piece the lines together to make sense b/c you have a really great tone here, and so many of the lines are really brilliant. Good work!

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

12 posted 2001-06-25 05:12 AM

i am feeling the exact same way right now...we'll both feel okay. (Lol now watch u pry aren't expeirencing this right now) oh well. i really liked this...writers block sometimes produces good stuff. keep postin.
-lady fear-

"I know the pieces fit cause i watched them fall away"--TooL

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

13 posted 2001-06-25 11:37 AM

This poem actually was little peices that I just kinda somehow or another put together. I do that w/ a lot of my poetry. I keep a little notebook full ideas that I have put together over a few months. It helps.

*~*Amanda*~*

I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.
Why couldn't I stop until I had died?
It was hate for myslef hidden inside.

[This message has been edited by Heavens Tears (edited 06-25-2001).]

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

14 posted 2001-06-25 11:03 PM

this is great! and I have no reason to tear it apart!! it's good!!

I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem.

Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

15 posted 2001-06-27 12:27 PM

I liked this one although the flow was off in certain parts of the poem. Anyhow, still a good job.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

16 posted 2001-06-28 05:57 AM

Ooo now this I like. Your flow was fairly well thought out but the overall message was excellent. There are some great lines in this. In particular the second and third stanzas. Your title really caught me as well.

Well done.

~AF~

Just because I hear voices doesn't mean I'm crazy...SHUT UP IN THERE!!!

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

17 posted 2001-07-05 08:38 PM

I liked the format of this poem a lot, it was very unique how you took the third line of each stanza and began the next stanza with it. This was a really good poem overall..great job here hun!

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

18 posted 2001-07-06 02:59 AM

wow i REALLY REALLY liked the format of this. blew me away, i liked the content to. this was awesome, definetly into my library. wow i really liked it and i dont even know what to say~im speechless and thats pretty hard to catch me w/o anything to say lol so woo yeah neways great job..keep posting!

*dq

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

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