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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2001-07-09 12:19 PM

In stones mind
the passing of time
is less than in ours,
he sees many changes
through sleepy eyes
and patience.

With a blanket
of soft water flowing
in his bed,
he sings...

Quietly and slowly
of many things...
many moons...
and many
loons

crying with
heartbreak bill
to echo across
even deeper pools
of nothing
still

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

1 posted 2001-07-09 12:22 PM

so plausible that these thoughts could be stone's if stone could speak/think

Well done!!

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

2 posted 2001-07-09 12:24 PM

There is some wonderfully awesome visuals and sounds in this one....were I deaf and blind, and one fingered this poem into my palm, I would be able to hear the hard coolness captured within....

Bravo...

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2001-07-09 12:35 PM

Cpat Hair,
Interesting, enjoyed the read.

Waseem Cheema
Member

since 2001-03-16

Posts 369
Pakistan

4 posted 2001-07-09 01:02 PM

A lot of SMILES.........

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

5 posted 2001-07-10 09:19 AM

stone lying in bed
water flowing and singing
wearing stone away

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

6 posted 2001-07-10 09:32 AM

Thanks everyone for the comments!!!

Interloper:

Stone lies still and cold
blanket of moss to cover
old scars eroded

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

7 posted 2001-07-10 09:43 AM

CPatHair~
The babble of the brook flows softly through this piece.
GREAT imagery !

'With a blanket
of soft water flowing
in his bed,
he sings...

Quietly and slowly
of many things...'

Oh, how gently serene.

As smooth as the stones
Caressed with babble of brook
All things now come 'round
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

8 posted 2001-07-10 10:01 AM

Thanks Marge... I appreciate the comments.

Smoothly worn by time
no jagged edges catch currents
stone softly sings you

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

9 posted 2001-07-10 10:52 AM

Ron, I enjoyed the clever wording and imagery here. The lines that caught my eye for the potential subtle pun are:

the passing of time
is less than in ours,

where "ours" is substituted for "hours", giving more than twice the meaning, when pondered.

-MVS

"If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn."

"Everyone can hear; few can listen."

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

10 posted 2001-07-10 11:14 AM

Thank you Mark, yes a subtle pun of sorts but one that was written playing on sounds more than on meaning... I appreciate the comments ou have left, always good to know what others think of the words you write...

As for minimalism..it is where I started writing poetry...I return to it over and over because I have always liked the essence of things, as opposed to the defined. I struggle to write longer poems or more in depth poems, which you do quite well. So... I find inspiration in words you write..that may lead me to try and capture an essence of one part... just a tiny piece of the whole picture you and others paint.

Thanks again for the comments!!!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

11 posted 2004-04-28 04:08 AM

awesome write

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