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Open Poetry #14
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Martie
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since 1999-09-21
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California

0 posted 2001-05-30 11:35 PM



The Doubting Sky

Across the pale doubting sky
fades peaked day,
drained of the lipid air that blew
forests onto the stain of mountain.

Look at the words,
cool in their intricate dispatch,
as if turned
into one perfect molecule.

Prolong the waiting
until the touch of opening,
the sharp points of reasoning blur
with the sweet gentleness of a face.

Look again,
the sky has melted
and slowly burned down
into this knowing,
fragrant with jasmine.

© Copyright 2001 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
1 posted 2001-05-30 11:56 PM


just don't know how to respond to this one...that ending is priceless
Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
2 posted 2001-05-31 12:03 PM


VAS--I always appreciate your honest replies...it is simple..a face changes the feeling of words, softens them and makes them human.
Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

3 posted 2001-05-31 12:21 PM


Fascinating, Martie,
enjoyed the read!

Logan
Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641
Arkansas
4 posted 2001-05-31 12:57 PM


very lovely, Marti..and the touch of jasmine.with the pale yellow petals..gentle smile
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
5 posted 2001-05-31 03:15 AM


"Across the pale doubting sky
  fades peaked day,
  drained of the lipid air that blew
  forests onto the stain of mountain."

That opening verse is a real poet catcher.  Beautiful images throughout Martie!

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
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British Columbia, Canada
6 posted 2001-05-31 03:33 AM


Yanno I had a little 3 year old face come and brighten my day today, much like this poem! Great read Martie.

~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~

Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
7 posted 2001-05-31 10:02 AM


Martie, you have such a way of painting words into such abstract beauty. Very lovely read.  

Parker

Lady In White
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since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799
USA
8 posted 2001-05-31 10:14 AM


The scent of this reached out and touched hearts....

a keeper....

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
9 posted 2001-05-31 11:17 AM


No one paints poetry like you do my friend...
this is so full of the imagery that speaks to
a reader heart and soul...so much so that I
swear I can smell the jasmine...Thank you as
always for writing the way that only you can,
as always Martie...it's a pleasure to read~

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
10 posted 2001-05-31 11:33 AM


So very lovely, Martie, I always truly find joy in reading your work!

Corinne

RebeccaJoy
Junior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 35

11 posted 2001-05-31 11:45 AM


You write beautifully and with much individuality.  
Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
12 posted 2001-05-31 12:04 PM


Martie,
A tennder beautiful write.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

13 posted 2001-05-31 12:28 PM


drained of the lipid air that blew
forests onto the stain of mountain.

Look at the words,
cool in their intricate dispatch,
as if turned
into one perfect molecule.

Prolong the waiting
until the touch of opening,
the sharp points of reasoning blur
with the sweet gentleness of a face.

Look again,
the sky has melted
and slowly burned down
into this knowing,
fragrant with jasmine.
============================

this is so delicate and imagery kissed...
and that title is so cool...
and made me think of a couple more of yours that are favs of mine, with the Sky being part of  their beauty... your work is always so deep and layered...
so much intricate emotion and observation of people and human nature, all explained with comparisons of mother natures gifts.
Which all comes from your gifted pen  

I'm hanging on your every word
Even if you dont want to speak tonite
It's alright
I'm sitting outside heaven's door
listening to you breathe

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

14 posted 2001-05-31 02:00 PM


You are one amazing writer, you know that?

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Auguste
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since 2000-02-16
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By the sea
15 posted 2001-05-31 02:29 PM


Martie,

Your imagery is lovely, my friend, but I've really no clue what it is you're trying to convey in this poem.  

Michael

Joyce Johnson
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Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
16 posted 2001-05-31 02:37 PM


I hope I understood your poem.  The writing was beautiful.  Joyce
Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
17 posted 2001-05-31 04:06 PM


Krawdad--appreciate the facination.

Logan--nothing quite like jasmine as you seem to now..thank you.

ethome--If it caught you then I'm glad.

Sharon--A three year olds face does bring a smile..thanks for the comparison.

Parker--I'm always glad to see you!

Lady--thanks so much for a lovely comment.

Butterflies--I don't get the pleasure of your comments too often...and what you said was heart warming..thank you so much.

Corinne--If you found joy...then I have done well.

Rebecca--Thank you for stopping by and for the nice comment.

Janet--When I'm unsure of myself, all I need do is read one of your replies...thank you for that!

Kathleen--You are so sweet...thanks..I like your writing too, ya know?

Michael--Sometimes it is not important that the exact meaning be known..as long as it give pleasure to read...thank you for your reply.

Joyce--the understanding is there in the beauty you perceived...thank you.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

18 posted 2001-05-31 05:20 PM


You're amazing Martie!
This poem is absolutely gorgeous  
sigh

Loved it

Maree

Watersign6
Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823
Hurricane,WV
19 posted 2001-06-05 08:19 PM


dont know how i missed this poem of yours but i sure am glad i found it,its GREAT!

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