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Open Poetry #14
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Sunshine
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2001-05-29 08:50 PM


they are losing me

they are losing me
the words flit in
then out
they are playing games
and my muse
she slowly
strums a flute
it simply comes to her
to begin adding song
to the lyrics
that are losing me
and thus I have gone
beyond repute

he read a line
she heard a sigh
somewhere
out and
over there
a concert of form
a line bygoes the norm
when one hears
the birth of
a corm … grow…
they are losing me
and no one sees
no one knows…
how those simple little
varied lines
will glow

simple comes in subtle desire
I read a line
I become fire
but nevertheless
in my haste, I confess
I hurry to write, I then redress
each word, each stroke, each
so fine a line
and ask self, were these mine?
were they ever of grand
design?
or are they simply
words of sine….

to be curved in and
then carved without
a poddling, seed, a winsome
doubt
a tadpole, fry, of little
scheme
to grow fruitful, to fulfill
all kindred dream
to be held, and warmed, a
grand origin
holds me safely,
without the sin

but they are losing me
the words
I would pen
in a gift I would give
and then yet
again
I would keep them
all so close to vest
but ‘neath sun, by wind
they would visit,
see?
as surely as they are
losing me



© Copyright 2001 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
1 posted 2001-05-29 08:54 PM


Oh my goodness, that's beautiful.

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Feel free to use the pictures on my website. http://communities.msn.com/Titiasplace&naventryid=100

Interloper
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
2 posted 2001-05-29 10:10 PM


she slowly
strums a flute
~~~~~~~~~~~
Words fail me.

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.


Charisma
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lost in blue pages
3 posted 2001-05-30 01:00 AM


oh Karilea this is simple Beautiful....love it very much.

((hugs))
Charisma

Logan
Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641
Arkansas
4 posted 2001-05-30 01:04 AM


ahh, how utterly delightful and thought provoking..gentle smile
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
5 posted 2001-05-30 01:25 AM


I am so glad I read this just before going to bed, this was lovely.

~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~

Poeminister
Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada
6 posted 2001-05-30 01:49 AM


Excellent writing, Sunshine.  I like this very much.

Poeminister

[This message has been edited by Poeminister (edited 05-30-2001).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

7 posted 2001-05-30 02:18 AM


a poddling, seed, a winsome
doubt...

Got me smiling through the frustration here.
Lovely and too true, kari!!!

Auguste
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since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953
By the sea
8 posted 2001-05-30 03:10 AM


Karilea,

Something about this poem, the way it's constructed, the way it "talks" reminded so much of Tennyson.  Tennyson's poems so often talk to the reader and that is likely why his poetry still lives on today.  This, my friend, was much enjoyed..  Thank you

Michael

Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

rascalx
Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590
Florence, SC, USA
9 posted 2001-05-30 06:12 AM


Beautifully done! It has a gentle flowing rythym that carries the reader through the imagery like waves... the crest of each wave being those four powerful words.."they are losing me". And incidentally, I too have often wondered where "my" words have come from as my muse seems to have a mind of her won. lol
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

10 posted 2001-05-30 08:14 AM


I know this feeling oh so well.

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
11 posted 2001-05-30 12:15 PM


Kari dear hesrt, always your writing glows this shines, its truly outstandingly lovely. You are revealing your wonder and inner beauty love and my does it show.

Okay it's true I have a decided preference for your brand of wonder but this dear heart is something else. It's really wonderful

Take care love and warm stuff
                  Puck
                    

Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



Charisma
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lost in blue pages
12 posted 2001-05-30 12:22 PM


okay....ok...I admit have readed this several times because I like it very much.....*s*....and that's why you find one more reply from me here.  

((hugs))
Charisma

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

13 posted 2001-05-30 12:48 PM


they are losing me
the words flit in
then out
they are playing games
and my muse
she slowly
strums a flute
it simply comes to her
to begin adding song
to the lyrics
that are losing me
and thus I have gone
beyond repute

=======================

simple comes in subtle desire
I read a line
I become fire
but nevertheless
in my haste, I confess
I hurry to write, I then redress
each word, each stroke, each
so fine a line
and ask self, were these mine?
were they ever of grand
design?
or are they simply
words of sine….

to be curved in and
then carved without
a poddling, seed, a winsome
doubt
a tadpole, fry, of little
scheme
to grow fruitful, to fulfill
all kindred dream
to be held, and warmed, a
grand origin
holds me safely,
without the sin

but they are losing me
the words
I would pen
in a gift I would give
and then yet
again
I would keep them
all so close to vest
but ‘neath sun, by wind
they would visit,
see?
as surely as they are
losing me
=======================

my oh my....
someones muse gave the most amazing poetic gift
this is a very cool and impressive inspire K..
(IWIHWT)

I'm hanging on your every word
Even if you dont want to speak tonite
It's alright
I'm sitting outside heaven's door
listening to you breathe

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
14 posted 2001-05-30 01:16 PM


sometimes the words can lose you, yes,
and other times they own your best,
and this, my friend, is just that time...
what awesome verse with inner rhyme!

.... nice job,  .....

to ya!

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
15 posted 2001-05-30 02:29 PM


Honestly, this is awesome. I've been captured for a over a week by a writers blockade, but somehow I don't mind it when I can sit back and relax with a good cup of coffee and read such wonderfully truthful  musings.

Midnitesun

Watersign6
Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823
Hurricane,WV
16 posted 2001-05-31 03:44 PM


i am at a loss for words here Sunshine for your poetry is truely devine,i love to come here an read all your poems it makes me like
i am right at home  truely amazing your poetic muse she is  

Auguste
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since 2000-02-16
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By the sea
17 posted 2001-06-01 04:55 AM


May I send this up again just for kicks and jollies?   That aside, this is incredible writing and in my opinion, some of your best work.  I'm truly impressed.  I really mean it.  

Thank you,
Michael

Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa
18 posted 2001-06-01 07:00 PM


What a convoluted path you take me along from beginning to end, your thoughts flow without effort into a whole which is much greater than its parts. I loved this one, very stylish.

Regards
Olias.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
19 posted 2001-06-01 07:26 PM


Karilea--oh the twists and turns of the loosing of you have found me with a great big smile...this was awesome!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
20 posted 2001-06-02 08:21 AM


Well goodness, this one just kind of took off on its own...

I am glad it touched so many!  Thank you all!

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




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