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response to poet's challenges
| Open Poetry #14 |
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response to poet's challenges |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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I will like to firstly thank all the poets who contributed lines to me in response to my challenge/plea. The poems are posted in chronological order of when I recieved the lines. THe first lines to each poem are the ones that were donated. THank you so much  Karilea, Moon Dust Poet deVine Temptress for helping kick my muse into gear. ==================================== Without a stage in spareness he phrased grand soliloquies, upon hollowed stone words echoed penance. In the shallow intermission he recalled his first transgression, "I am the grand Thespian these cattle thus listen to my every depiction believing all lines of my fiction, I need not props, cast, or Theatre for of these things I am the greater." Rising from this nostalgic fade cursing his present lesser shade, to the faults and shadows at hand a phantom audience, his to command. The curtain raised an internal veil of insanity, Giving birth to the Act of Humanity. In spareness he phrased grand soliloquies of which only he could make sense. ----------- On the edge of Summer. Shadows graced and warmed the midnight sky, I had been walking out on my own time. The glitter stars and the promises of a warm bed upon which plant my dream starved head, these wonders inspired my lead ridden shoes and lightened the brunt of my urban blues. I broke into a rare smile, like I used to as a child . Without needing a cause or reason, except to stand in a moment of passing season, The lumbered transition of spring to Summer bloom Its treasures embellished mine to ripe beneath this harvest moon. ----------- First love moonlight kissed her cheek my Luna princess, dancing wildly in the street light no care for shame or inebriation she dragged me giddily further into the coils of this first love celebration. ----------- In dreams The past sometimes arrives in dreams, wrapped in the dust of sleep, in envelops nursing faded photographs of moments of captured light, even one a master piece in mind, A rare framing of your smile. From a deeper state still I murmur The wild poetry of love lines and proclaiming letters all of these promises of other lives. I devote the hours of my unconscience and waking regret, Your memory thus remains, until your heart I may reclaim. "across the unfair divide where black will never meet white so read my token lips as though they never exist" nicky wire [This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 05-26-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed your writing Brian...James |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Always glad to give someone a kickstart anytime! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Bri... Wow - these are cool...they really are. I am way too tired to do indepth critiquing though of course you know I want to... So I'll content myself with a couple of little things... 'I broke into a rare smile, like I use to as a child . ' Typos on the period and 'used to' 'moonlight kissed her cheek my Luna princess, dancing wildly in the street light no care for shame or inebriation she dragged me giddily further into the coils of this first love celebration.' This is perhaps my favourite...to keep it really tight what do you think about this: 'moonlight kissed her cheek my Luna princess, dancing wildly in the street light no care for shame or inebriation she dragged me giddily further into this first love celebration.' ???? I think 'coils of' is an overburdening image... You know, this is just really good peotry my friend...  KAll obscurity starts with a danger: |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
What a wonderful way to get your muse flowing Brian! You've done a splendid job with all of these, very nicely written, and such lovely phrasing, well done! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
UMMMM ... Bri-babes...where are the PETALS??  (just kidding) Theses are SO COOL ... and excuse me my poetic prophet... but if ya can crank theses out like this... your muse is definatly not AWOL with mine and yes as Kit says youve got some great phrases in these and ya know I love to see ya rhyme Great idea Bri-gator.  I'm hanging on your every word |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Hi Brian, Yes I think your muse was just under the bed, cause these are awesome, my muse has been gone on vacation for a while now, I'm not seeing the one about Tylenol here!  By the way it's so nice to have you around, Love, Cerenity "God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist. |
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Siofra
since 2000-09-28
Posts 551State of Suspended Passion |
An excellent meeting of challenges here. Enjoyed immensely I am many. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Brian I am too green to critique, so I got on my "gut instincts" and they tell me that these are fantabulous! You sure did rise to that challenge. ~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~ |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Brian, if your muse is lost, I'm a dead eyed Heroin junkie. Tthese are as good as your published works. I like them a lot, I do however agree that "into the coils" is probably a bit much. you done good Keth Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Ah Brian such great writing! Powerful adjectives! Superb images offering perspective! I especially loved these lines! "I broke into a rare smile, like I used to as a child . Without needing a cause or reason, except to stand in a moment of passing season, The lumbered transition of spring to Summer bloom Its treasures embellished mine to ripe beneath this harvest moon. " There is such an open atmosphere in those reflections. Have a nice day! ethome |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
James, thanks. Karilea you can kick start my muse anytime Kalma, thanks firstly for pointing out my little mistake and for the suggestion you are completely correct. Also thanks for your very generous words. Kit, thanks for your very kind comments. everyone was clever in giving me upbeat images so I had to reveal my sensitive side for a change. jan, you got me addicted to the rhyming bug.. next time I will add the petals in, thank you my friend for adding sunshine to me day and for doing wonders for my ego. Cerenity, it is the new me. Tylenol friendly. maybe both of our muses tried to elope together. I am sure your muse will surface soon. Thanks. Siofra, thank you. Mysteria, and I am red blushing. thank you Keth, well we will just have to check ya into rehab, though drug habits do make for good inspiration, though they are not the must recommended way to find your muse. Thanks for your very generous words ethome, well I am speechless and my ego has just gone into hyper drive. thank you. "you are what you own in this land, you can be king and it all depends on the view and what you can see" Whipping boy |
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