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Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2001-05-23 09:29 PM

Stabbing pain set on ignore,
From hips all around down to the floor.
Take this will and bear it bitten,
Painful wrenching, tears they glisten.
Body rages inside a shell,
Physical pain sounds a bell.
Like some hand, wild in punch,
Gasped in pain, teeth and tongue crunch.
Lower back in teasing grip,
Then to front the pain does slip.
Testing teasing physical pain,
As faster tears take their gain.
Tear from inside, gasping now,
Pain and ache, the body bows.
Curling, fisting, into a ball,
No one here to heed the call.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No worries..just seeing if I can do this!

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

1 posted 2001-05-23 09:33 PM

You can, and did so wonderfully....love your words...

Lauren~

***

Nothing Beautiful In This World
Is Ever Really Lost
All Things Beloved
Live on In Our Hearts...Forever."

Waseem Cheema
Member

since 2001-03-16

Posts 369
Pakistan

2 posted 2001-05-24 07:29 AM

Your work is always beautiful....

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

3 posted 2001-05-24 11:55 AM

brilliantly done!

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

4 posted 2001-05-24 12:19 PM

Oh, I'd say you did it, this was seething!!!!!!!!

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

5 posted 2001-05-24 01:14 PM

you do it pretty well. . . it flows pretty good except for "tongue and teeth crunch". . . perhaps one or the other???

still a great poem though. . .

------------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2001-07-06 12:02 PM

Yep, you can do this---sometimes an outpouring of anger is therapeutic...but stick to poetry...I've got a fractured toe to prove that it is a healthy alternative to kicking walls. I enjoyed this...

Logan
Senior Member

since 2001-05-28

Posts 1641
Arkansas

7 posted 2001-07-06 12:54 PM

Geez, gentle one, you scared me out of a few years that I can't stand to lose..nice write though, and yeah, you still have it...very gentle smile

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

8 posted 2001-07-06 03:04 AM

Jenn, Jenn, Jenn
What would we do without your pen?

Seems you've got this rhymin to an art.
Oh, how, oh, how did you get so smart?

*grins*

Peekaboo, just poppin in for a few minutes to check on ya. I'm glad to see that you are still doing good. The summer is flying by a tid bit too fast for me. I'm working full time, and I picked up a new hobby that's an hour every evening, plus trying to keep my social life alive in the evenings. I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far. Busy busy busy flying summer. Hope to talk to you soon.

-me

ps: sven is right about that one line...*wink*

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. -- Navajo Proverb

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

9 posted 2001-07-06 03:18 AM

Funny....when I read this all I felt was labor pains...you described that pain to a "T"....

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

10 posted 2001-07-06 04:26 AM

"
                " Then to front the pain does slip.
                 Testing teasing physical pain,
                 As faster tears take their gain.
                 Tear from inside, gasping now,
                 Pain and ache, the body bows.
                 Curling, fisting, into a ball,
                 No one here to heed the call."

Very interesting writing to say the least!

Passions Voice
Member

since 2000-10-23

Posts 291
Michigan

11 posted 2001-07-06 11:52 AM

I liked this one very much.

You seem to have an idea of what you want to do with your work. It shows. Keep it up.

passion is life. . . ~Diana

juanrodriguez
Member

since 2001-04-17

Posts 66
ontario canada

12 posted 2001-07-06 12:39 PM

pain ....as scarry and unwanted snsation .......but for a mother is a loving sensation at birth of her child .........PAIN .......what is pain exacly .........really good vercical poem ........

Qumar Fatthi
Member

since 2001-05-20

Posts 59
Pakistan

13 posted 2001-07-06 10:00 PM

"No one here to heed the call. "
no no Temptress!
i am hear for ur call ..............
good work.......
nice thinking,......
i want to chat with u
if u don't mind
this is my email address at messenger
i am waiting for ur reply

qzf21@hotmail.com

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