In desolation - pipTalk Forums

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walker
Member Elite

since 2001-02-11

Posts 2240
Florida

0 posted 2001-05-19 09:05 PM

The moon at the beach,
lit our way to desolation.
There we encounter our bodies.
Kissing like the first time.
Trembling in anticipation.
Letting our clothes slip away.
The cold sand,
held our bodies as we dissolve our souls in perpetual love.
The waves,
sweet melody they played bathing our love in our sins.
We marked,
this love piercing it with our touch.
Loving so wildly never regretting,
that we made love in desolation.

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

1 posted 2001-05-20 02:24 AM

The beach always brings out romance, doesn't it? Lovely.

Michael

Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

2 posted 2001-05-20 02:42 AM

Ah...sweet memories of youth, I loved your poem. I remember these walks well, now I shall just go try to remember who with, lol

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

3 posted 2001-05-20 11:25 AM

powerful piece, are you sure you want the word 'desolation'? it seems it would be most difficult not to regret something that ended in desolation

[This message has been edited by VAS (edited 05-20-2001).]

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

4 posted 2001-05-21 09:09 AM

bathing our love in our sins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Would you please explain? I don't understand how love could be bathed in sins (plural). Maybe born of sin or rooted in sin ... even then it would not be a multiplicity of sins unless ... I don't understand.

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.

JLR
Senior Member

since 2001-02-04

Posts 1785

5 posted 2001-05-22 01:26 AM

The duality of this is thought provoking. Enjoyed.

Watersign6
Senior Member

since 2001-05-25

Posts 823
Hurricane,WV

6 posted 2001-06-05 01:37 PM

well i enjoyed this and love is wonderful isnt it

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

7 posted 2001-06-05 05:14 PM

I agree with Vas, Desolation seems like the wrong word it is so strong and immediately creates images that do not fit the poem. Other than this one thing, A lovely poem, enjoyed the read.

"Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life". Terry Pratchett

Poeminister
Senior Member

since 2000-02-26

Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada

8 posted 2001-06-05 05:19 PM

"we dissolve our souls in perpetual love

Wonderful passionate piece. Well done.

Poeminister

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

9 posted 2001-06-05 05:29 PM

romantic and filled with images... nice read

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