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Passions in Poetry

Mists of the Unknown

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Gentle Spirit
Member Laureate
since 10-09-2000
Posts 14329


0 posted 05-17-2001 12:48 PM       View Profile for Gentle Spirit   Email Gentle Spirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Gentle Spirit

Sadness rains
from thunder clouds above
as the imepending gloom
settles upon my heart.
No, the sun will not shine
through the darkening skies
as the mists of the unknown
envelopes me,
drawing me deeper
into it's fold.
I seem powerless
to fight this immortal
enemy
that seems
to seep
into every pore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Powerless,
I feel myself
slipping further
under it's hold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I try to look for a glimpse
of light
to guide my path,
to show me the way........

but the light,
it will not come....
no......
the sun will not shine
today.



On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

[This message has been edited by Gentle Spirit (edited 05-17-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 dmsmith - All Rights Reserved
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 07-23-2000
Posts 3074
of Depression


1 posted 05-17-2001 02:11 PM       View Profile for Professor Gloom   Email Professor Gloom   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Professor Gloom's Home Page   View IP for Professor Gloom

I like this,
but I think it could be slightly modified.
Example
I try to look for a glimpse
of light
to guide my path,
to show me the way........


might be
I try looking for a glimpse
of light
to guide my path,
showing the way........


Minor changes and perhaps
not really needed.

Keep up the good writing.

Gloom
Gentle Spirit
Member Laureate
since 10-09-2000
Posts 14329


2 posted 05-17-2001 02:44 PM       View Profile for Gentle Spirit   Email Gentle Spirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Spirit

Gloom, thanks for the critique.  I enjoyed reading your honest opinion, and I think it works well the way you wrote it.  Thanks.
D

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

sigheyes
Member
since 04-25-2001
Posts 332
the winds of destiny


3 posted 05-17-2001 09:19 PM       View Profile for sigheyes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sigheyes

When the mists have cleared
and the thunder storms have passed
love shall return again,
to prevail, to last.  

HUGS D!!
jwesley
Member Ascendant
since 04-30-2000
Posts 6413
Texas . . .


4 posted 05-17-2001 09:25 PM       View Profile for jwesley   Email jwesley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jwesley

Very nicely written GS and personally I liked the original write better...it's more personified and singular...if anything I'd consider ..."I look for a glimpse..."

jwesley
Mike
Member Elite
since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


5 posted 05-18-2001 12:38 AM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

enjoyed the poem, nicely written.
Gentle Spirit
Member Laureate
since 10-09-2000
Posts 14329


6 posted 05-18-2001 09:00 AM       View Profile for Gentle Spirit   Email Gentle Spirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Spirit

Thank you all for your opinions and insight into this.  This was more just a venting and writing for me poem than a writing for form type thing.  Thanks.  
D

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


7 posted 06-01-2004 12:41 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

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