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Warm Window Panes
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Warm Window Panes |
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A Whisper's Caress Senior Member
since 2000-11-03
Posts 791on the horizon of a fairytale |
Slowly dancing about the room, lightened only by the glow of the fire, she sways to a favorite old song. Caught up in the rhythm, she closes her eyes and raises her arms… as if… A reflection is tossed upon the window overlooking a moonlit pond. From the center of the dark room, it appears the lovers are dancing upon the water. His embrace warms her, as she is secured in his sway. The air being of love and mounting desire, the fire crackling, as though offering percussion to the song, and the image on the window pane… a man, a woman…their dance. Annie Lehberg achildsheart 05-10-01 May your dreams always dance to the rhythm of a lover's heartbeat... |
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| © Copyright 2001 Annie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Taffetta Junior Member
since 2001-02-26
Posts 27 |
You have drawn a very gentle, lovely picture. Excellent writing. I feel like I am in the room with her dancing. |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
When I first started this poem I thought how sad. But as I came to the end, I didn't feel that way anymore. You put an image in my mind that everything is alright. She will always have him there to dance their dance. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
A very nice, gentle picture...an interlude in life. I like the femininity invoked in the dancer and her reliance upon the strength of her partner...very romantic. I love the crackling fire adding a percussive nature to the dance's rhythm. I do think you want 'lighted' instead of 'lightened,' as lightened would invoke thoughts of weight. If you like the feel of the 'ened' part of the word, maybe 'brightened' would work. Also, see what you think about removing the 'the' before fire in that line. I hope your 'deep breath' held. This is a very nice piece and being a teacher, I accepted your invitation for counsel. [This message has been edited by VAS (edited 05-12-2001).] |
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latin passion Senior Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 576 |
~~A Whisper's Caress~~ WOW - what a romantic scene you just painted. Made my heart jump a beat!. LP |
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A Whisper's Caress Senior Member
since 2000-11-03
Posts 791on the horizon of a fairytale |
everyone, thanks for the great feedback. Virginia, thanks for the input, yes brightened does sound much better, and removing "the" allows the flow to be smoother. Thanks again to everyone. May your dreams always dance to the rhythm of a lover's heartbeat... |
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A Whisper's Caress Senior Member
since 2000-11-03
Posts 791on the horizon of a fairytale |
Slowly dancing about the room, brightened only by the glow of fire, she sways to a favorite old song. Caught up in the rhythm, she closes her eyes and raises her arms… as if… A reflection is tossed upon the window overlooking a moonlit pond. From the center of the dark room, it appears the lovers are dancing upon the water. His embrace warms her, as she is secured in his sway. The air being of love and mounting desire, the fire crackling, as though offering percussion to the song, and the image on the window pane… a man, a woman…their dance. May your dreams always dance to the rhythm of a lover's heartbeat... |
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Coal Surrender Member
since 2001-04-01
Posts 84U.S. |
Warm window panes, a little enchanted vision, your eyes dream so sweetly. Coal |
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