Unshrouded Betrayal - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

0 posted 2001-05-12 07:10 AM

Unshrouded Betrayal
©2001C.G. Ward

a band of roses wrapped about
     this simple hearth of stone -
the blaze breaks,
      yea, and petals descend;
      a hushed mantle - melancholy gray
   askew upon the floor they weep
         blue tears.
the limp residue
      of yester-gone bruises tonight

where spreads the webs of kindness,
     blissfully cheering
   for the ghosts of tomorrow?
how lie the strands of lusting,
     with their bitterness and fear
      resurrecting Before?
once staked a claim of tarnished pride
       then secrets told, she mapped a
           place athwart a headboard; notched
     by desire,
  yet bolstered by the
crumbled bedclothes draped
      across the mirror.

   it still reeks of anger,
this rooted memory above the flames-
still screams anew with each petal falling.
   falling
     falling
       fallen
  but they weaken –
  winter comes but once a season,
    bears the mighty to descend.
   and yet the shroud,
   oh yes the shroud –
it forms a halo of hope beneath
the cushioning of experience
    to soften the wake
       of betrayal’s chill.

The line that separates the real world from unreality is thin and easily snapped, like cheap elastic. What is real and what is hallucination is not a matter of physics but of perception. Darkness is not always the catalyst for dreams. Life is as real as an individual desires it to be, or as insubstantial.

From “Collectible”
Alan Dean Foster

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

1 posted 2001-05-12 07:48 AM

a band of roses wrapped about
     this simple hearth of stone -
the blaze breaks,
      yea, and petals descend;
      a hushed mantle - melancholy gray
   askew upon the floor they weep
         blue tears.
the limp residue
      of yester-gone bruises tonight

======================
once staked a claim of tarnished pride
       then secrets told, she mapped a
           place athwart a headboard; notched
     by desire,
  yet bolstered by the
crumbled bedclothes draped
      across the mirror.

========================
it forms a halo of hope beneath
the cushioning of experience
    to soften the wake
       of betrayal’s chill.
=============================

tis been far too long since your words were seen here poet sir...
and this is excellence.
the imagery in that first verse is outstanding,
so many cool lines and phrases as well.
so many layers and contrasts...intensely written.
well done poet sir, as always.

Did you make it to the Milky Way,
see the lights faded
that heaven is overrated
Did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2001-05-12 07:55 AM

This is a excellent, albeit painful piece, and would be much enhanced if flanked by a picture of despair, as opposed to one of disgust...imho, of course.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 05-12-2001).]

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2001-05-12 10:17 AM

"askew upon the floor they weep
blue tears.
the limp residue
of yester-gone bruises tonight"

"once staked a claim of tarnished pride
then secrets told, she mapped a
place athwart a headboard; notched
by desire,
yet bolstered by the
crumbled bedclothes draped
across the mirror."

"and yet the shroud,
oh yes the shroud –
it forms a halo of hope beneath
the cushioning of experience
to soften the wake
of betrayal’s chill."

Excellent Chris! Powerfully moving sentiments, and incredible imagery. The phrasing is superb and so very flowing. A very thought-provoking and compelling piece, very much enjoyed!

Best wishes,
/Kit

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

4 posted 2001-05-12 10:36 AM

Apparently this is the first I've read of yours for the style is more unique than any I've read here. Every line is fascinating/captivating. I'll be watching for more. I can tell this will need further reads to reap its fullness, so I think I'd better make a copy and spend some time with it. Okay?????

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

5 posted 2001-05-12 12:42 PM

Ah....I didn't know I was thirsty until you brought me refreshment. This is an oasis in the desert. Painfully written, gratefully read.

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

6 posted 2001-05-12 12:45 PM

Outstanding!

~Tier

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

7 posted 2001-05-12 06:58 PM

Smiles for m'boy here!

In one post you just blow me out of the water!!! This had the poetic effect of a punch in the stomach for me (that's a compliment too

) Adding to my library, Chris, there is much here to ponder, and once again, I feel like you've been peeking in my windows! (serenity exits, eyeing her windows with suspicion....)

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2001-05-12 07:01 PM

Oh. I forgot. Library. Right.

sheesh! I hate when I ruin my own exits!!!!

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

9 posted 2001-05-12 07:08 PM

Well, you decided to share a poem with us! Is there a special occasion (other than your new pic?

)? Powerful words here, Chris, for some reason I especially liked the first two lines. Don't know why, I just did.

Well done.

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth (edited 05-12-2001).]

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

10 posted 2001-05-13 06:33 AM

If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
Kingsley Amis

Janet - As always, you make me feel like I've written something more spectacular than I really did. A smidgen of words and a few bytes of blather do not a poet make. But I do appreciate you words.

Kari - See above.

Really though, I didn't feel so much either of those. Rather, a dawning of the realization that there is such an animal as hope, and 'tis one which will visit if you only open the door.

Kit - With friends like you, why do I do anything except write? Your kind words and pointed compliments do much to ease my concern over such an unworthy piece. Thank you m'lady.

VAS - Ah, the re-read! It amazes me to this day how one can read somethign once, and the second, third and fourth time find something different in the very same words. I wonder sometimes if the writer hasn't simply edited the works magically in between reads! Thank you for your attention.

Sharon - I remember you telling me once that you don't drink. I think therein lies your problem... don't you?

Tiersdin - Thank you!

Karen - Ah, but your exit is never as grand as your entrance. My pardon for the gut shot, but you shouldn't sneak up on a guy like that. Peace m'friend.

Elizabeth - If it speaks to you, then no reason needs be attached. What you like is what you like and no more must be said. Thank you for your comments (pic and all!

)

Peace,

C

The encumbrance of a fact
begets the demise of imagination.

-Me

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

11 posted 2001-05-14 04:53 AM

Hi!

Well ... let's see ...

I have to admit this confused me a bit. I thought it was going in one direction, and then it twisted ... I'm having trouble deciding whether this is a true "lament" or simply a "well, it kinda bites (perhaps past tense?), but I learned something" piece. Or maybe it's neither and I'm just totally lost.