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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2001-05-12 03:42 AM

In this moment "I" explode
with no regret of destiny
I cannot hold you much too close--
in you, I find the rest of me.

Every word you speak, I know,
before it's ever said.
Every breath you breathe? I dream,
in restless toss of sheets of bed.

Your very voice is food to soul,
your touch, imagined treasures gold...
Each glance of eye to meet my own
is but a seed of lover's moan.

And now you ask me to explain,
Does rainbow ask the "why" of rain
or beg the sun to shine again?
I am no longer--shadow prone.

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

1 posted 2001-05-12 03:44 AM

Like it very much.

Titia

ATelamon
Member

since 2001-02-06

Posts 328
Purgatory, Last Staircase, Up

2 posted 2001-05-12 03:46 AM

Well done I particularly like the last stanza.

A bit like...
"Does twilight ask the sun's permission, or dawn the forgiveness of the night. "

My compliments

AT

"The most redeeming facet of life is that we have the comfort of knowing it will end. Death doth love equally."

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2001-05-12 03:47 AM

Serenity~

I love this! this is so great!!

SEA

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

4 posted 2001-05-12 04:15 AM

Does rainbow ask the "why" of rain
or beg the sun to shine again?

a great line, Serenity *s

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-05-12 07:35 AM

I cannot hold you much too close--
in you, I find the rest of me.

Every word you speak, I know,
before it's ever said.
==========================

Your very voice is food to soul,
your touch, imagined treasures gold...
Each glance of eye to meet my own
is but a seed of lover's moan.

And now you ask me to explain,
Does rainbow ask the "why" of rain
or beg the sun to shine again?
I am no longer--shadow prone.
==========================

*shaking me head* *smiling at you*
if I simply say ~I wish I had wrote this~...
will you just KNOW all the rest...
yes...you know.
...oh man ... (vials baby ... vials)

me

Did you make it to the Milky Way,
see the lights faded
that heaven is overrated
Did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar

snowpants
Member Elite

since 2000-09-16

Posts 2061
KS

6 posted 2001-05-12 10:08 AM

'And now you ask me to explain,
Does rainbow ask the "why" of rain
or beg the sun to shine again?
I am no longer--shadow prone.'

This is beyond excellent, serenity! Your rhymes just flow so perfectly! I love this!

sp

to be with you...
I've tried to hide my passion,
but it's just no use...
piece by piece I lose it
when you walk in the room...

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

7 posted 2001-05-12 12:17 PM

I've always felt the crux of poetry is metaphor and this makes the reader
read again and again and again, the phrasing is outstanding, in fact I wanted more, and I don't say that often!!!!!

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

8 posted 2001-05-12 12:38 PM

You have done an outstanding job on this one!!! I think it's one of your best (one of a zillion that is!)

Saunni
Senior Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 1777
West Virginia

9 posted 2001-05-12 03:43 PM

I think this is awesome! Great write.

Sauni

Sauni :)
Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak
I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2001-05-12 07:05 PM

Wanted to say thanks....I appreciate you all reading and replying so generously--you touch my heart with your unfailing kindness.
Thank you!

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