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RMW
Senior Member

since 2001-03-21

Posts 1424

0 posted 2001-05-07 11:57 PM

The Aging Prophet

The wadi,
That for centuries had served as the direct route
To the holy city,
A deep and wrathful dryness kept.
So different from the sweat
That laced his throat and chest
Raging for the secret hollows of his waist.
He knelt,
Then laughed to think:
"So like the Jordan,
This sweet, delicious sluice
Tumbling down a propet's slopes
Only to settle
As salt
In the Dead Sea."

RMW

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

1 posted 2001-05-08 01:22 AM

you take the reader visually there

the piece ends rather sadly, poignantly

those last 3 lines...really powerful!

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

2 posted 2001-05-08 01:40 AM

Great job on this one, I really enjoyed it.

~*~ I write ~ Therefore I am ~*~

Homepage: http://www.mysteria-poetry.cityslide.com/contents/contents/cfm/451673

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

3 posted 2001-05-08 11:07 AM

Bob--So few words and you manage to paint a picture and a feeling...very well done!

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

4 posted 2001-05-09 08:34 PM

tired. . .

this poem shows that feeling. . .

--------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

5 posted 2001-05-09 08:37 PM

I know there is a deep meaning here. I'm going to have to mulll this one over. Joyce

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

6 posted 2001-05-09 11:17 PM

Interesting piece...pity you don't have the critique flag on lol - cause I'd like to discuss it more...I really like it!

K

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

7 posted 2001-05-10 12:50 PM

Intresting piece.....brilliant!!!

Nathan

RMW
Senior Member

since 2001-03-21

Posts 1424

8 posted 2001-05-10 09:46 AM

Virginia...Thanks, neighbor.  Bob

Mysteria...I appreciate .... your apreciation.  Bob

Martie....Thank you much. Too kind. Bob

Sven...ah, yes...tired. "And miles to go before I sleep."   Bob

Joyce....Smiling...if it is deep, it is only because of the Great Rift of which the Jordan is a part. Smiling.  Thank you. Bob

Severn...Flag? What flag? I was never told about a flag? If you should come back to this, please, feel free to comment at length.  Did I miss a parade? Darn. Bob

Nate....Testing my humility here. But thank you. Bob

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

9 posted 2001-05-11 10:37 AM

You have a unique style all unto yourself, sir. Well done.

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