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Open Poetry #13
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2001-05-03 06:29 AM


Yes. I saw. I wanted more.
I spied the possibilities.
Your eyes were but the promised tide
Your voice the sirens of the sea.


I would have counted grains of sand
and paid a dowry for your hand.
All my castles, labored through,
I would have swept them just for you...


I wanted to enchant a spell
and may my soul be damned to hell.
Every shell I found on shore
I held to ear to hear "want more?"


Always just a mockery
the sun in set upon the beach
but through the tears of hope I cried,
I mistook this for sunrise.


I watched for distant ship from shore
and swam to meet the boat before
I viewed the distance of the lag...
I eagerly grasped pirate's flag.


Not your fault--you sailed in truth.
You warned me there could be no truce.
And in my lonely camp on beach,
I saw what I desired to see.


Imprisoned now, the pirate's wench—
The victim of my loneliness—
Eager to join treasures sank
I grateful, graceful walk this plank.



© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Coal Surrender
Member
since 2001-04-01
Posts 84
U.S.
1 posted 2001-05-03 07:07 AM



This is truly enjoyable work, I'll be certain to read, time and again! Loved it!

Coal

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

2 posted 2001-05-03 07:59 AM


I do believe this is one of your best.

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-05-03 01:26 PM


I would have counted grains of sand
and paid a dowry for your hand.
All my castles, labored through,
I would have swept them just for you...

I wanted to enchant a spell
and may my soul be damned to hell.
Every shell I found on shore
I held to ear to hear "want more?"

Always just a mockery
the sun in set upon the beach
but through the tears of hope I cried,
I mistook this for sunrise.
======================

Not your fault--you sailed in truth.
You warned me there could be no truce.
And in my lonely camp on beach,
I saw what I desired to see.

Imprisoned now, the pirate's wench—
The victim of my loneliness—
Eager to join treasures sank
I grateful, graceful walk this plank.
===========================

Sen this is excellent...
the employ of metaphor, the imagery, the rhyme all done with a mastery and finess..
but tis the longing and ache of the emotions express that is the true bittersweet beauty of this...
with each line your poetic gifts are evident.
love to ya me twin.
me


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
4 posted 2001-05-03 09:36 PM


Serenity~
Bloody well nice, matey !  
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
                               noles1@totcon.com             

Masked Intruder
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 Tours
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets
5 posted 2001-05-03 10:54 PM


The entirety kept me locked and drew me to this remarkable stanza:

=-=-=-=-=-
Imprisoned now, the pirate's wench—
The victim of my loneliness—
Eager to join treasures sank
I grateful, graceful walk this plank.
=-=-=-=-=-

Very powerful writing you've employed.
Yer always a treat. *wink*

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. -- Navajo Proverb

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
6 posted 2001-05-03 11:21 PM


that pirate obviously did not recognize the value of your treasure chest...
Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia
7 posted 2001-05-04 12:54 PM


Karen
This was such a wonderful picture you carefully painted with your words.  I enjoyed it immensely.  Take care......Sue

Suetang

latin passion
Senior Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 576

8 posted 2001-05-04 01:06 AM


Wonderfully stated, and hold high respect for this poet. He is not alone. LP

He is my pen, I am but the paper he
writes on.
~~3LW~~SM

redheart angrybraids
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 410
honolulu, hawaii
9 posted 2001-05-09 12:05 PM


serenity
you are so good,
my favorite
all your words hit home so consistently

Kindly,
Redheart Angrybraids


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