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Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

0 posted 2001-05-02 10:56 AM

Stardust Dancing

As night soon over takes us
let us now walk hand in hand
along the moonlit shorelines
as we walk upon the sand.

Let the starlight shine upon us
as the stars float in the sky
and sprinkle us with moondust
as love twinkles in our eyes.

The warm ocean breezes
blow gently into our souls
under the misty moonlight
the serenity now takes control.

The ocean whispers her songs
that only two lovers can hear
and we dance under the starlight
our hearts now hold each other near.

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

[This message has been edited by Gentle Spirit (edited 05-02-2001).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

1 posted 2001-05-02 11:25 AM

As night soon over takes us
let us now walk hand in hand
along the moonlit shorelines
as we walk upon the sand.

=========================
The warm ocean breezes
blow gently into our souls
under the misty moonlight
the serenity now takes control.

The ocean whispers her songs
that only two lovers can hear
and we dance under the starlight
our hearts now hold each other near
====================

GS this is beautiful,
the imagery and serene romantic intend of it.
and your cadence is delightful
very cool poem

I miss you so much I cant stand it
Seems like my heart is breaking in two
My head says no, but my soul demands it
Everything I do reminds me of you

[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 05-02-2001).]

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

2 posted 2001-05-02 11:42 AM

Gentle Spirit, this is so serenely beautiful. The only critique I can even think of is to remove as many 'the's' as possible and the 'now' in the last line. Try it, see if it is strengthened in your eyes. If not, toss my ideas aside as fast as possible. Oh, I so love the shore and I could feel its tenderness and placidness in this piece.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

3 posted 2001-05-02 01:00 PM

this is wonderful GS. . . I can see it now. . .

------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

4 posted 2001-05-02 06:32 PM

Janet......thank you for such a lovely gift! HUGS!

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

5 posted 2001-05-02 06:33 PM

Vas, thank you for giving me your opinion....it is how we grow as writers. Hugs.

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

6 posted 2001-05-02 06:34 PM

Ah Sven, if you can see it then I have succeeded in my task. Thank you friend. *s*

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

latin passion
Senior Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 576

7 posted 2001-05-02 10:23 PM

My Gentle Spirit, but your words are once again woe to the core of my heart. It was once cold, for you have rekindle that what I thought was long gone. Your words of love, that you show embrace who I am. My one and all.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

8 posted 2001-05-03 06:03 AM

I am so glad that this has touched you LP. Thanks. *s*

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

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