Freedoom. (Feedback Please.)

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Open Poetry #13

Freedoom. (Feedback Please.)

gremlin
Junior Member

since 2001-04-18

Posts 25
NY, USA

0 posted 2001-05-02 05:21 AM

Freedoom.

Knights march in the darkness of moon,
Their purity breaks like popping cocoon.
They are guarding your home, your daughter, your son.
Your moves in the dark make them reach for the gun.
To serve and protect is their sweet lying lie,
They repeat it again as they are watching you die.
No place to escape from loud marching sound,
Justice is made when shells hit the ground.
Electric God's eyes watch over you,
Twenty Four Seven they know what you do.
Hypnotizing blue light of TV always blinks,
Now they control what everyone thinks.
Watch others die reduces your pain,
Next movie will take you to Hawaii or Spain.
Turns your life into dream make-believe,
Hiding from truth brings a relief.
Hard to say, "Freedoom", with a gun down your throat.
As they are making you sign your suicide note.
"Freeze", breaks the silence after the body has fell.
I can't take this justice i have to rebel.

05/02/2001

Hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think.
Peace and love to everybody.
Regards,
Stan

[This message has been edited by gremlin (edited 05-02-2001).]

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

1 posted 2001-05-02 11:56 AM

I'm not entirely sure what exactly to think about this piece.
I could comment on the horrid reality it brings to light, the chill of truth so nicely drawn upon.
Or perhaps, I could mention that the lines are a touch uneven, making the rhyme seem a tad forced.
Or then, I could point out that your sense of the fantastic combined with the reality is indeed well-focused.

That's a start. I might come back and finish.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2001-05-02 12:04 PM

Noted the play on word of

free-doom....

giving plenty of food for thought.

inot2B
Member Elite

since 2000-09-18

Posts 2205
Arkansas

3 posted 2001-05-02 12:08 PM

Yep, "Big Brother" is always watching.

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