Only one with the night - pipTalk Forums

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walker
Member Elite

since 2001-02-11

Posts 2240
Florida

0 posted 2001-04-29 05:41 PM

Fiercely we took on the night.
We broke its silence with our hearts.
It all started with one kiss.
Now the bed creaks and creaks.
Our love talks its own language,
communicating our bodies.
Perfecting their own sign language.
So much energy fused.
So much youth,
in passionate bloom.
While our shadows silhouette,
only one with the night.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

1 posted 2001-04-29 06:35 PM

You know a bed that doesn't make noise is no good for making love in! I loved reading this.....

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Blaec
Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 130
The Sunshine State

2 posted 2001-04-29 06:38 PM

I loved reading this too!
Wonderful writing!

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2001-04-29 06:38 PM

"It all started with one kiss.
Now the bed creaks and creaks."
You never know where a kiss will take you...James

JLR
Senior Member

since 2001-02-04

Posts 1785

4 posted 2001-04-30 12:03 PM

'...only one with the night'...what an image! You have, I believe, found your niche (at least one of them).

Ethan Halo
Senior Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 793
on the roof again

5 posted 2001-04-30 06:06 AM

passionate and poetic...
Barry would be proud.

"Many great relationships start or end in a bar.
Some of the best do both in the course of an evening."

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

6 posted 2001-04-30 08:53 AM

I like this, although if I were you I might change "creaks and creaks" to something else. It doesn't seem to fit with the feeling of the rest of the poem. Perhaps it seems to scream where the rest of the poem whispers. Anyways.

Just call me the imagery police! LOL! I'm still training to, so ya don't have to worry.

Hope you don't mind the thoughts.

*Jenn*

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

7 posted 2001-04-30 09:19 AM

Our love talks its own language,
communicating our bodies.
Perfecting their own sign language.
==================
While our shadows silhouette,
only one with the night.
==================
this is such a cool poem...
wonderful melding of imagery and sensual emote...
your gift of achieveing vivid and stark images with poetic succinctity is showcased in this gem
very cool write walker.

There are two lasting bequests
that we can hope to instill in our children
one is roots ...
the other ... wings.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

8 posted 2001-04-30 12:55 PM

this is excellent. . . it walks that wonderful line of sensuality. . .

wonderful. . .

----------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

9 posted 2001-05-01 02:52 PM

Walker,

Most sensual...a language we all know well.

Michael

Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

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