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Open Poetry #13
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Admiration's Trace
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Admiration's Trace |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
~Admiration's Trace~ Wouldst thou think less of me Should I pen in words cliche' Should I profess my poetic desire Should I confess thy words take mine breath away Wouldst thou think me naive Wouldst thou find me too absurd Should I build alters for thy verse So that I might worship thine every word Might I raise thy rhymes on pedestals Might I carve thy words in glittered gold Thy poetry to be my deliverance granting mine hollow eyes such beauty to behold. Could I come to thee on genuflect knee Might I place thee upon gilded throne Thy verse to be thy kingdom's crown Thy words engraved in destiny's stone Might I study thee like the masters Wouldst thou instill thy gift of inspire So that I might grow in thy light That I might inquire thy poetic entire Thy script beckons to me I yearn for all that thee shall compose Impress thy words upon mine remembrance Recite thy dreams, thy visions of suppose Might I inhale thy every line savior thy verse in long, slow, sips For there could be no sweeter wine than thine rhymes upon my lips If only I could write of thee Might I truly capture thy inspire's grace Would my words ever do thou justice Would they touch thee then leave my admire's trace Caress me with thy cadence Embrace me with thy rhyme Tempt me with thy rhythm I surrender to thy reprise sublime And I swear to thee now upon my verse I would trade my pen to be thy only muse For thou art the keeper of mine inspiration without thy poetic admiration, I have nothing left to lose Janet Marie ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ Sonnet 78 by William Shakespeare So oft have I invoked thee for my Muse And found such fair assistance in my verse As every alien pen hath got my use And under thee their poesy disperse. Thine eyes, that taught the dumb on high to sing And heavy ignorance aloft to fly, Have added feathers to the learnèd's wing And given grace a double majesty. Yet be most proud of that which I compile, Whose influence is thine and born of thee. In others' works thou dost but mend the style, And arts with thy sweet graces gracèd be; But thou art all my art, and dost advance As high as learning my rude ignorance. ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ Sonnet 17 by William Shakespeare Who will believe my verse in time to come If it were filled with your most high deserts? - Though yet, Heaven knows, it is but as a tomb Which hides your life and shows not half your parts. If I could write the beauty of your eyes And in fresh numbers number all your graces, The age to come would say? This poet lies, Such heavenly touches ne'er touched earthly faces..? So should my papers, yellowed with their age, Be scorned, like old men of less truth than tongue, And your true rights be termed a poet's rage And stretchèd meter of an antique song. But were some child of yours alive that time, You should live twice, in it, and in my rhyme. ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ If my slight Muse do please these curious days, The pain be mine, but thine shall be the praise. ~William Shakespeare~ Though my soul may sit in darkness, |
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| © Copyright 2001 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Wow, Janet, The emotion just pours from this piece. Indeed, poetry is sweet deliverence, isn't it? Well done, girl. Michael |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Marvelous idea Janet! I love the trip back into the 16th century language. It makes one realize that poetic language is forever, a unique way to express oneself. Taking into account the Bard's muse is a wonderful reflection on how even modern times don't change the poet's love for that special way of thinking......I love these verses... "Caress me with thy cadence Embrace me with thy rhyme Tempt me with thy rhythm I surrender to thy reprise sublime And I swear to thee now upon my verse I would trade my pen to be thy only muse For thou art the keeper of mine inspiration without thy poetic admiration, I have nothing left to lose" As usual the honesty of expression shows in your heart felt poetry and that's a vehicle for the truth.....which is what really sets one free to purge their heart and soul. Great write Janet! Vantastic! From the cortex chambers ventriliquists speak with their conscious voices of thought in the soul's quiet palace. They confirm necessities: Amen - and forgiveness, they repair despair, teaching lessons from straw to sticks to bricks. Yet what sad reality, the acceptance of the mediating value of lies, when the truth was never better. Who are they that disguise? body and mind, until they are forced into the open exposed to glib pretentious rote. Yet, all the voices in the palace, ventriloquists of inner thought, remain quantum reminders, that from the heart, to the great light that fills the sky, all accept the gift of consciousness - and in the end, it comes down to the truth of the matter. The role of poetry is to utter the un-utterable; to open up |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
JanetMarie....thinking less of you for ANY reason would be unthinkable!!!! You're the queen...and beautiful poetry like this keeps proving it...spam on, my friend  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, This ant spam its pure ham. The poem is wonderful and I could not do it justice with words. But Randy is flying around the room blowing smoke and flames of SHE LOVES ME..... SHE LOVES ME..... beautiful work. Winkiewinkie Stinky |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Would thou but pen thy heart, thy soul would thou let me read, but gaze, on gold. Excellent my friend. I put my quill down, and let it rest. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Janet~ I just love your poetry.....  I wish I could do those thees and thous and thines, I'll just leave them to your talented pen.....(and PK's, he does that stuff great too....) I humbly bow to your talent....our Queen of Poetryland SEA |
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PoeticKnight Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144New Orleans, LA |
This is in my opinion, your greatest work, JM. Seriously. This screams excellence, and needs to be published. I am in honest awe of your pen. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
JM, I have tried a few of these, but never have I come so close to such perfection!! This is just wonderful....Beautiful! On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
AWESOME!! BRAVO!!! |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Perhaops if we could all use Shakespeare's Old English, we would all be beter poets. Joyce |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
An awesome write, Janet you are an inspiration to us all!!! You're writing just keeps getting better and better Take care, Melissa~ |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Very interesting Janet...who is this Shakespeare guy?...James |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Janet, This is just lovely. You're such a good writer. Michael Proust- |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Caress me with thy cadence Embrace me with thy rhyme Tempt me with thy rhythm I surrender to thy reprise sublime ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You and Bill do a good job Live for love. Without love, you don't live. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
WHERE O WHERE HAVE I BEEN???? (Again, if anyone knows the answer to that, don't answer, please, was strictly a rhetorical question... )This is your heart, and fabulously written, I have to agree with J---I count this among your best--altho the Devante' poems come close sweetie! The outpouring of emotion coupled with the graceful construct of this--not to mention the addition of two of my ALL TIME FAVORITE SONNETS????? (how didja know?) My turn to worship YOU, O Poetry Goddess!!! Fabulous! |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
BRILLIANT!!!, J.M. I'd give Will a bell and let him know there's a new kid in town, but he already knows they are such gossips in Stratford. Verrily I stand in awe poet supreme. Regards, Olias. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
* library * |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
JanetMarie~ I see we've been studying the old Shakemeister, eh ? Way to go girlie !  You did a real nice job with this. 'Wouldst thou think less of me Should I pen in words cliche' Nah ... I LOVE cliché ... go for it ! Love n' hugs~ ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
'Caress me with thy cadence Embrace me with thy rhyme Tempt me with thy rhythm I surrender to thy reprise sublime And I swear to thee now upon my verse I would trade my pen to be thy only muse For thou art the keeper of mine inspiration without thy poetic admiration, I have nothing left to lose' Fantastic, JM...just fantastic! Very creative, and quite a message as well...  ...outstandingly superb imagery, too, might I add...you know how I feel about all of that... Once again, wonderful job, m'friend!!sp  to be with you... |
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Amuse_mi Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 110 |
just WOW!!!! |
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Coco Junior Member
since 2001-01-28
Posts 48 |
Oh my, this is breathtakingly beautiful my sweet friend and you know so often I glance back into library and re-read the treasures that you've shared 'devante' inspired and this one poem is kinda like those ones where I'm totally captivated in each and every line... smilesNhugs2uPoetFriend |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Oh my! P for perfect! Thank you for this beautiful piece of poetry. Please visit me at my new homepage: |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Oh my sweet SS...this sings beauty!! Might I inhale thy every line savior thy verse in long, slow, sips For there could be no sweeter wine than thine rhymes upon my lips Caress me with thy cadence Embrace me with thy rhyme Tempt me with thy rhythm I surrender to thy reprise sublime I would love to borrow that moody muse of yours if it meant writing like this..but you and I both know that writing at this level took much more than a muse...this poem is one that had to be felt...wanted...ached for...you can't write like this and the poem not take you over while you are weaving it..your poetic wings shine in this girlie... Tis a beautiful sight! Love you sweets!  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I just got kicked off line and lost the reply I was typing to each of you.. grrrrrr AOL SUX!!! and rather than spend another half hour retyping it with my slow left handed peck peck...lol...I would rather use the time replying to your poetry...So that being said... Please know I am very grateful and humbled by these amazing replies... I appreciate these responses and the encouragement more than my words will convey... I must admit was nervous posting this one, as we all are when we try a new style, but your gracious and generous encouragement goes a long way to building ones confidence. I worked hard on this tribute of muse, researching the proper use of the language and vocabulary.. and if anyone sees where I used the "thees, thous and thines improperly ... ~please~ dont hestitate to show me as I truly want to learn to do this the right way.. "we cant grow if we dont know" THANK YOU ALL for the wonderful replies and the constant support you give me and my work. my love and gratitude to Poetry Land. jm Though my soul may sit in darkness, |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
J.M Just a point in reading through again Than thine rhymes.... Should read Than thy rhymes... I think but its open to interpretation. I see the power in thy pen and fear I'll never post again. (lol) Regards, Olias. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"Could I come to thee on genuflect knee Might I place thee upon gilded throne Thy verse to be thy kingdom's crown Thy words engraved in destiny's stone" "Might I inhale thy every line savior thy verse in long, slow, sips For there could be no sweeter wine than thine rhymes upon my lips" Wow! What a wonderful mood you've set with this exceptional style Janet Marie! Beautiful phrasing throughout, with such a lovely flow ... very, very much enjoyed this format and the incredible sentiments, excellent JM! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Olias ... thank you...that was one of the ones I was stuck on...(and the correct usage of "mine" as well)... In my research both on line and in books... often the information would contradict each other as to proper usage when the term was possessive... and I agree, I think they do leave some of it open to the poets discretion... I compared Shakespeare to Bysshe Shelly and they differed in their usage.. so ultimately on that line that you pointed out...when I couldnt find the difinitive answer... I went for thine..to add some inner rhyme with surrounding words. I figured I cant go wrong adding more rhyme THANK YOU for coming back and helping me to learn ...as I said... I want anyone to point out my weaknesses or mistakes in this ... I also wasnt real sure about the "wouldst". and LOL @ your both your humorous replies. I loved the gossip joke Kit gator....you bring me smiles that last all day Thank you sweet poet.  thank you all..always. [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 04-28-2001).] |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
You must know how hard it's been to wait to respond to this... patience is not and never has been one of my virtues! LOL. But now... I can FINALLY say... You've produced a work of art here... the time and effort you put into it were well spent! *S* "Caress me with thy cadence Embrace me with thy rhyme" I hope you realize that what you wrote in this tribute applies so very well to your own poetry, dear lady... it's exactly what you do to us every time we open a poem from your pen. *S* And the last verse... hon, you just plucked an ache from my heart and wrote it into poetic perfection... how'd you do that? LOL Simply said... superb. All those times I couldn't post a reply weren't wasted... for every additional read is a gift. *S* |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
You have outdone yourself yet again!! This is beautiful JM. Every time I think I have read your best, you always prove me wrong. To my Library for sure.Marina It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Ruth .... my dear poetess pal ... let me tell you...that reply was worth waiting for!! *S* THANK YOU so very much for such wonderful compliments ... and for seeing the full intend of the poem... Funny how we poets measure things.... to be ones "only" muse holds such esteem and desire. Thank you to one of Passions most faithful readers... Back to front and inhale every word hugs to ya Ruthie-girl!!!! Marina... thank you for the honor of being in your library... that means much to me....always. Thank you for such high praise as well my friend... hope all is well with you. take care THANK YOU ALL for the wonderful responses to this. There are two lasting bequests |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Ver impressive write, Janet....you make me wanna grab a Shakespeare book this instant.....peace and one love! Nathan |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
this is stunning.....just stunning.... i love the way you wite JM... Lauren~ *** "Within you I lose myself |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you Nate and Lauren for the lovely compliments...this poem was special to me, Im so pleased you enjoyed it. And Nate...ya cant go wrong reading Old Bill.. there is so much we can learn from his amazing talent. Thanks guys. thank you all for the wonderful response to this. There are two lasting bequests |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
JM astounding, amazing, I loved this poem, it spoke to my heart, I love the magic that is portrayed in poetry, and this style I've always love. I agree that this is definetely worthy of being published, I'm saving this, it is quite a treasure. |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
Wow... I can't believe I missed this poem on my first rampaging of this forum... this poem is really really something else! ^^; I haven't seen a good piece written in Ye Olde English in the longest time, but this one definitely changes all of that! This poem definitely is one of the softer pieces in this forum... My favorite part, like a lot of people's is the very first verse and the last four verses. The others were relatively pretty, but those five verses of the poem definitely stood out in my opinion. ^_^ The others are there for flow... but those are the ones that left the lasting echo of the poem. Sugoi! ^_^ There were a few spelling mistakes along the way... and a few of the phases which totally knocked me off-balance because I couldn't figure out how to interpret them... and the font kinda made my eyes bulge out... but beyond all of that, this poem was definitely something to behold. ^^ I really enjoyed the poem. I don't like Shakespeare's sonnets, for the most part, because only a few of them really flow amazingly well and the others kinda look screwy and I'm not sophisticated enough to understand them. But, despite that bias, they certainly did inspire an absolutely wonderful piece of work! ^^ This piece shall be filed away onto Ye Olde Library. ^_^ Keep writing, and hope to see more of your shtuff! ^_~ - holatuwol |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow!!..i'm left speechless..  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
RB .. thank you very much... your replies are always so cool...thanks for the encouragement and compliments. holatuwol ... thank you very much for such an in depth reply, I really appreciate it... I can only grow if I can see my work thru anothers eyes...sorry about the font..LOL but I was trying for that classic look and I am honored to be in your library! Welcome to Passions, I hope to see some of your work soon. anonymous albert ? ... thank you also...your wow is more than enough and speechless is a wonderful compliment. THANK YOU ALL in poetry land. you speak to me in riddles |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Janet, the more I read this the more I love it. I think much criticism would be just nit picking and not help the piece which needs no help that I can see. It seems very balanced in my opinion. I wish I was a poet from that time to give you any advice.... damn I just wish I was a poet from that time. The old english phrasings are much more romantic then today. I hope you put another together browneye's, and tell me what sites your visiting for research. Parker |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~J,..."Might I inhale thy every line",...exactly. Got your words here all wrapped around me, all whispering and alive. This is masterly woman. Brimming. More. - (thank you muchly for the little note, you make my heart sing). *Peace you. |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Superb, Janet Marie, beautiful work! *smiles* -Tier |
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latin passion Senior Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 576 |
Janet Marie, with this poem you are among the master's. I read and reread, and each time drunk the wine it gave. I will keep this one. LP Day in Day out...My love for you grows. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Let me on this thread! This is wonderful! Kathleen Blake |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
And I swear to thee now upon my verse I would trade my pen to be thy only muse For thou art the keeper of mine inspiration without thy poetic admiration, I have nothing left to lose you speak from the heart, and you do so beautifully. That is what makes you a poet, and a talented poet in your own right. Take a bow oh poetess. "across the unfair divide |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
P-man, Spirfire, Tiersden, Latin Passion, Kathleen and Brian... thank you very very much and please forgive me taking so long to thank you... I could have sworn I replied to this before Brian brought it back up... I am sorry to be remis,,, I appreciate all your kind words very much. Thank you and love to poetry land. We wish ourselves beautiful, |
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