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Open Poetry #13
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Martie
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California

0 posted 2001-04-13 09:37 PM



Turning Down the Day

The sun is slanting
into afternoon

turning down the day
soft as remembered laughter

distilled vigor
it’s orange ball
nestled in white crinoline  
falls into magenta

I hear a dove
call three times
to the dancing tip of a tree

listening unplugged
melts the taciturn temper
of the last down sky

as a wilted spirit seeks to explain
the triumph

of one perfect rose.

In the dew of little things,
the heart finds its morning
and is refreshed.
(ee cummings)

© Copyright 2001 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
Kay
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since 2001-04-13
Posts 70

1 posted 2001-04-13 09:43 PM


very well crafted poem, Martie.
Kit McCallum
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since 2000-04-30
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Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2001-04-13 09:46 PM


Beautifully flowing and visual Martie ... a lovely treasure!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

JLR
Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785

3 posted 2001-04-13 10:02 PM


soft as remembered laughter...loved this line.  Loved the poem and the idea of turning down the day!

Speak when you are angry--and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret...Laurence J. Peter

Rex Allen McCoy
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since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London
4 posted 2001-04-13 10:15 PM


Martie ... As our weather improves here, I sure look forward to some long awaited twists to " Turning Down the Day "
Nicely written

Beckalini
Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 151
Yorkshire, England
5 posted 2001-04-13 10:24 PM


Beautiful imagery Martie...not that I expected any less from you. Great write from you, great read for me. Thanks  
~Becky~

Auguste
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By the sea
6 posted 2001-04-13 10:44 PM


Martie,

This is lovely, my friend.  The sunset here wasn't nearly as pretty as your words.  

Michael

Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

Mysteria
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British Columbia, Canada
7 posted 2001-04-13 10:50 PM


Oh but you make me smile!  
Krawdad
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since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

8 posted 2001-04-13 11:46 PM


I too like the line, "soft as remembered laughter", a well captured idea.
On the other hand . . . I can't help but read "distilled vigor" as "distilled vinegar".  ROFL  I think maybe I've put up one too many jars of pickles!   hehe

Krawdad
/:-}==
=#===

Martie
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California
9 posted 2001-04-14 02:32 AM


Kay--Thank you so much for stoping by to read and taking the time to reply...I appreicate it.

Kit--The treasure is in your reply..you always say just the right thing.

JLR--Thank you for pointing out to me the parts you particularly liked...it is always of interest to me.

Rex Allen--Me too!!!

Becky--I'm glad you enjoyed reading my poem...thanks for letting me know.

Michael--I'm glad you liked my pretty wordset..thanks  

Sharon--I'm happy that I made you smile!

Krawdad--Distilled viniger LOL...thanks for the laugh.

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
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Listening to every heart
10 posted 2001-04-14 06:51 AM


Now how did you know, I needed just this?
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
11 posted 2001-04-14 09:02 AM


Martie~
What joy to read this beauty.

'distilled vigor
it’s orange ball
nestled in white crinoline  
falls into magenta'


Just as lovely as the sunset was ...
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
12 posted 2001-04-14 09:59 AM


Craftily woven, a marvelous, tender read.  Yes, a lovely read with which to begin the day here.

I just saw the count on my posts is the number commemorating the year of my birth.  

[This message has been edited by VAS (edited 04-14-2001).]

Seymour Tabin
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since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
13 posted 2001-04-14 10:11 AM


Martie,
You have a style of yourown. Always enjoy reading your work.

Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

14 posted 2001-04-14 01:15 PM


distilled vigor
it’s orange ball
nestled in white crinoline  
falls into magenta

I hear a dove
call three times
to the dancing tip of a tree

listening unplugged
melts the taciturn temper
of the last down sky
======================

your so cool....
look how much imagery you acheived in so few words...
this is lovely and waaay cool ..
which makes it a groovy    

Every moment of every day
youre still with me in every way
Every poem and song...every rhyme and verse
youre still here...like a beautiful curse

Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
15 posted 2001-04-14 09:39 PM


Karilea--Because I needed it, that's how.

Marge--I don't think there could be words as lovely as a sunset, could there?  Well, maybe yours.

VAS--Thank you so much for such a lovely reply.

Sy--I always enjoy having you reply....thank you.

Janet--I'm trying not to be so wordy...I'm glad to be groovy though...so cool!

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware
16 posted 2001-04-16 12:26 PM


i've had my bed turned down - with an 'Andes mint' - and other accouterments - I'd take a turn down of this sort - any time - in preference - - absolutely magnificent images Martie - Thank you so much
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
17 posted 2001-04-17 10:42 AM


"soft as remembered laughter" ... what a marvelous phrase! *S* This is beautiful, Martie... I love the ending! *S*


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