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Open Poetry #13
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Packratmike
Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632
California, USA

0 posted 2001-04-13 06:39 PM



the hounds of time are on his trail
'neath stardust sky and sunlit moon
grim silhouettes and ghostly wails
the horrors of impending doom

'neath stardust sky and sunlit moon
he stumbles in his panicked gait
the horrors of impending doom
they surely will soon seal his fate

he stumbles in his panicked gait
the hounds of time are at his heels
they surely will soon seal his fate
the end is close at hand, he feels

the hounds of time are at his heels
the smell of death is somewhere near
the end is close at hand, he feels
a gravesite soon to note his years

the smell of death is somewhere near
the time too short before he's gone
a gravesite soon to note his years
where hounds of time won't rest upon

the time too short before he's gone
a bed prepared for final breath
where hounds of time won't rest upon
until he meets them all in death

a bed prepared for final breath
grim silhouettes and ghostly wails
until he meets them all in death
the hounds of time are on his trail


© Copyright 2001 Mike Powers - All Rights Reserved
Kay
Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 70

1 posted 2001-04-13 09:22 PM


reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe.

Kay
Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow." ~James M. Barrie~

SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
2 posted 2001-04-13 10:35 PM


Mike~ please tell me the rules for this one.....it looks like a full bottle of Advil   very cool write    SEA
Beckalini
Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 151
Yorkshire, England
3 posted 2001-04-13 10:39 PM


I am definitely intruiged by the form. Loved it! And the content of course. Great write  
~Becky~

Packratmike
Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632
California, USA
4 posted 2001-04-14 12:13 PM


Kay...thank you for reading and commenting.  I agree....I was in one of my dark moods when I began this one.

SEA...I cut and paste these rules from one of Panne's explanations regarding this form. Here they are:
"a poem of indefinite length made up of quatrains whose lines are repeated in a pattern: lines 2 & 4 of ea. stanza are repeated as lines 1 & 3 in the next stanza & so on. Sometimes the final stanza has a neat twist: although its 1st & 3rd lines are as usual the same as the 2nd & 4th lines in stanza above it, its 2nd & 4th lines are the same as the 3rd & 1st lines of very 1st stanza. This way, ea. line in poem is used twice, and the 1st line of the poem is the same as last line of the poem. Rhyme is optional."
These can be quite challenging, but fun because sometimes you surprise yourself where you have been taken.  I've posted two other pantoums, "The Orchestra" in this forum and "The Piper" in Open 12.  

I hope you give it a try but do have some Advil ready.LOL (The results are really worth the effort.)

Becky...Thank you for reading and commenting.  I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Elizabeth
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Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
5 posted 2001-04-14 12:23 PM


Well done Mike--indeed this does have a Poe-esque quality, intense and eerie. Great work.
Blackdrake
Member
since 1999-07-23
Posts 83
Depends on the day :)
6 posted 2001-04-14 12:30 PM


there is only one word to describe this . Damn!!    

Mysterious is the shadow, walking down the path of light.  ~~ ¥ ~~



Packratmike
Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632
California, USA
7 posted 2001-04-14 12:50 PM


Elizabeth...Thank you.  I like intense and eerie things.  This was a bit experimental for me.

Blackdrake...I'll take that as a compliment...thank you.LOL

Mike

Panne447
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 196
S.A. TX
8 posted 2001-04-17 12:33 PM


Mike, Terrific!! I was in here on the 13th - so don't know how I missed this one.  I loved it - I loved the suspence of it and you took it somewhere different than where I expected it was going so loved that too.
Just Super.  Thanks for sharing this. Panne
P.S. I tried the rictameter form in a piece called Drought but I lost it in the last line as I wanted that line as is - so I couldn't call it a double rictameter - lol.

Packratmike
Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632
California, USA
9 posted 2001-04-17 02:42 PM


Panne...Thanks for your great remarks, they are much appreciated.  I too, thought I was going to end up somewhere different in this poem. That's what is so magical about this form...at least for me...I'm never really sure what is going to pop up at the end.

I'll check out "Drought" a little later.

Mike

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