How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Open Poetry #13 Archive
 Captain Clutz   [ Page: 1  2  ]
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Captain Clutz

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 04-11-2001 12:13 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


The truth must now be told to all
No if or ands or buts
You see, in actuality,
I am a real clutz!

My body's covered, head to toe,
By bruises, scrapes and cuts
Small trademarks for unfortunates
Known by the name of.....CLUTZ!

Small blades of grass can make me fall
I stumble over ants!
No day goes by that I don 't find
Some small tear in my pants.

I wear tan shirts to hide the stains
Of coffee that I spill
If there is something I can drop
Bet money that  I will!

I try so hard to take such care..
It really drives nuts
To have folks point at me and say
"There goes a real clutz!"

My head dents shutters as I pass
My face walks into doors.
Young children play "connect-the-dots"
With all my many sores.

All zippers break at my command
I never walk near ruts
I'm not allowed near finery
Because I'm such a clutz!

Shoelaces always come undone
And trip me in mid-stride
The antique stores down on the square
Won't let me come inside!

I've been this way so very long
I can't remember  when
I ever acted...........*@%$@!#
Oops! Sorry, dropped my pen!

No woman ever looks at me
She wouldn't have the guts
To put up with the maladies
Of living with a clutz.

So I shall stumble on through life
And hope someone will see
Perhaps they can have feelings for
The clutz I'll always be.......
© Copyright 2001 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Krawdad
Member Elite
since 01-03-2001
Posts 2627


1 posted 04-11-2001 12:22 AM       View Profile for Krawdad   Email Krawdad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Krawdad

HAHAHA Cap'n, I love this!  
And all you have to do is try to hurry a bit and it gets a thousand-fold worse, no?
Thanks, Cap'n!

/:-}==
=#===

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 03-10-2001
Posts 10059
Washington State


2 posted 04-11-2001 12:26 AM       View Profile for Joyce Johnson   Email Joyce Johnson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Joyce Johnson

I don't believe a word of it.  Else how could you write such poetry?  Joyce
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 04-11-2001 12:28 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

We will put bandaids on the boo-boos
we will put padding on the floors and walls
We will eat spam off paper and plastic
and when you slip, flip or trip ...
I'll make the 911 calls
Dont worry Darlin' Deer ...
I'll make sure you always have a soft place to fall  


LOL....
I am left handed and all thumbs...so I relate to this all too well
clever and cute rhymes from you  
Auguste
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 02-16-2000
Posts 5326
By the sea


4 posted 04-11-2001 01:20 AM       View Profile for Auguste   Email Auguste   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Auguste's Home Page   View IP for Auguste

Deer,

This was a real treat.  Am still smiling.  Thanks.  

Michael

PS-by the way, I have a sister just like that.  

Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


5 posted 04-11-2001 01:47 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria


You say you are a clutz,
Somehow I find that strange.
I see how you take letters
Unscramble and re-arrange.

You are trying to pull my leg,
And just be kinda silly,
Once again, I loved your poem,
Balladeer, it was a dilly!

he he   he he

Loved this, from one clutz to another!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


6 posted 04-11-2001 08:37 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

there is no way
you are Cap'n Clutz
'cause the real way
that you spell it
is with a K, you Klutz!

And I'm the Queen of Klutz,
that's a fact, I'm sure!
why, even my dog watches out
for I'm sure to step on her!

Now, a bone I've never broken,
my only doctor bills
come from checking out deep bruises
which I get from falling "up" hills.

You want to play
connect the dots?
my scars and bruises go to show
I've got them, quite a lot!

No, I'm the Queen of Klutz,
a badge I proudly wear!
It's the only way I can show
that I've been somewhere!

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 04-11-2001).]

Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 11-06-2000
Posts 8628
Deep in the heart


7 posted 04-11-2001 09:21 AM       View Profile for Interloper   Email Interloper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Interloper

You guys are all chock full of nuts
I'm sure we all agree
you claim to be the lords of c(K)lutz
accidental royalty

OK, so the meter ain't purfek ... at least I didn't trip over a dust mite getting here!

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


8 posted 04-11-2001 09:30 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Balladeer,
Is a clutz anything like a putz. I get them mixed up all the time. LOL Big TU
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


9 posted 04-11-2001 09:34 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

I think you need a nurse.........to take care of your.........owies.......and to make it all better...and I will gladly fill that position     SEA
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


10 posted 04-11-2001 11:29 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

LOL...yeah, but i still love you
2dalimit
Member Elite
since 02-08-2000
Posts 2217
Mobile, AL


11 posted 04-11-2001 11:38 AM       View Profile for 2dalimit   Email 2dalimit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for 2dalimit

Clutz?
Attention grabber
Master of blunders
Women need to rescue
...Smooth...
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 11-16-2000
Posts 7440
Oregon


12 posted 04-11-2001 11:43 AM       View Profile for VAS   Email VAS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for VAS

This is absolutely delightful!  You certainly didn't drop the ball on this one, it's charming and well done!  I think I should try some of your 'remedies' for hiding mistakes.  I think I'd get tired of wearing tan, though, myself as I'm more of a peacock.
Mother_Earth
Senior Member
since 11-20-2000
Posts 1387
1/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Mich


13 posted 04-11-2001 12:20 PM       View Profile for Mother_Earth   Email Mother_Earth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mother_Earth

Deer, this is beyond being cute!!  I love every word and I have been there and done that!  Thanks for sharing,  ME
Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 06-17-2000
Posts 5525
missouri


14 posted 04-11-2001 01:44 PM       View Profile for Paula Finn   Email Paula Finn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Paula Finn

You mean Im not the only one
Who trips over sidewalk cracks
I cant open a soda without getting wet
I bite my tongue eating cracker jacks
To watch me walking with my dogs
Is really quite a sight
Tangled leashes there I go
(K)Clutzs' of the world UNITE!!!!!
Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 07-10-2000
Posts 7542
Maidstone Kent England


15 posted 04-11-2001 05:09 PM       View Profile for Marsha   Email Marsha   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marsha's Home Page   View IP for Marsha

'Deer dear heart, I'm a nurse, I deal with trauma, Hey finally someone I know who will keep these warring doctors busy.
I love this one dear 'Deer. I think this is truly fabulous utterly wonderful love.

I think this is sooooo brilliant

take care love and warm stuff
             Bubbles
Absolutely excellent.

Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning


inot2B
Member Elite
since 09-18-2000
Posts 2272
Alabama


16 posted 04-11-2001 10:39 PM       View Profile for inot2B   Email inot2B   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inot2B

Maybe we could all get together and find you a caretaker. Heck by the list of replies I think you would have your hands full with all these helpful women.
Men they will say or do anything to get women to take care of them. LOL
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


17 posted 04-12-2001 12:34 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Krawdad...you know it! Haste makes disasters! Thanks...  

Joyce..the words just tumble out right, I guess   I thank you.....

Janet Marie....how I would love to fall softly into that soft place....ah, dream on, Balladeer  

Auguste...thank you for the smile  

Mysteria...I KNEW there was something about you I liked!  

Sunshine...long live the Queen!!!       

Interloper...the only thing connecting me to royalty is being called a royal pain!!  

Sy....a rose by any other name.....  

SEA...if you would be my nurse, I would pray for a lifelong illness!!! Nurse me, my sweet  


Doreen..clutzes can be lovable  


2dalimit..I applaud you deductive reasoning       


VAS...LOL@peacock!! that bad, huh...???

Mother...been there...done that...still going strong. Klutzes have to be tough!!!!


Paula..YES! We need to form a onion and untie!!!  


Marsha...a nurse?? Are you on call? Available? Willing to be traumatized?  


inot2B...how harshly you judge me!! To insinuate that I would self-inflict bodily harm on myself for the sake of attracting women,,,well, all I can say is....wanna kiss my boo-boo?  

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 04-12-2001).]

doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


18 posted 04-12-2001 01:22 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

LOL!!!!!!

your responses to the comments are priceless....... almost as wonderful as the poem!!!!!!..... and you!!! hehe... can't stop laughing..... life is GOOD!!!

hehe... i'm just here......an insomniac or something...... holding my breath while breathing but that's another poem... rofl!!!!!!

you're a fine writer...... excellent work, my 'deer Friend...... AND some really terrific comments.........  
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


19 posted 04-12-2001 08:30 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

oops....I was walking down the halls of blue and bumped into this and it fell up the hill....ow!
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


20 posted 04-12-2001 02:21 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Oh Captain, my Deer captain
I fear I'm a c(k)lutz, too
(And from reading these replies
You lead quite a motley crew! *S*)
Whatever path we stumble down
We're accompanied by doom
So please never lose the number of
The closest emergency room!

Loved this, Deer one... very much! *S*
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


21 posted 04-12-2001 02:33 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Hi Balladeer--you have no clutz at all when it comes to handing out smiles and laughter...you know just how to time it right...cause I needed them and here they are..thanks.
            
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


22 posted 04-13-2001 07:05 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Just keep stumbling the way you are, my friend - with pen in hand, and we will all be happy
Liz
Kay
Member
since 04-13-2001
Posts 71


23 posted 04-13-2001 02:24 PM       View Profile for Kay   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kay

No, No, you don't look clutzy to me!!!!
I enjoyed this very much, but NO you don't look like a clutz!     signature-->

Kay
"when the going gets tough, the tough get going."

[This message has been edited by Kay (edited 04-13-2001).]

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


24 posted 04-13-2001 04:14 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

You?  A Klutz? With that style, that flair, that flowing and graceful pen? Why Michael, you must be the most fluid and polished Klutz I've ever known, LOL.  I'd help you up any ol' time ...  

Best wishes and a shoulder to steady yourself on whenever you need one,
/Kit
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Open Poetry #13 >> Captain Clutz   [ Page: 1  2  ] Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors