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Open Poetry #13
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Balladeer
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since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

0 posted 2001-04-11 12:13 PM



The truth must now be told to all
No if or ands or buts
You see, in actuality,
I am a real clutz!

My body's covered, head to toe,
By bruises, scrapes and cuts
Small trademarks for unfortunates
Known by the name of.....CLUTZ!

Small blades of grass can make me fall
I stumble over ants!
No day goes by that I don 't find
Some small tear in my pants.

I wear tan shirts to hide the stains
Of coffee that I spill
If there is something I can drop
Bet money that  I will!

I try so hard to take such care..
It really drives nuts
To have folks point at me and say
"There goes a real clutz!"

My head dents shutters as I pass
My face walks into doors.
Young children play "connect-the-dots"
With all my many sores.

All zippers break at my command
I never walk near ruts
I'm not allowed near finery
Because I'm such a clutz!

Shoelaces always come undone
And trip me in mid-stride
The antique stores down on the square
Won't let me come inside!

I've been this way so very long
I can't remember  when
I ever acted...........*@%$@!#
Oops! Sorry, dropped my pen!

No woman ever looks at me
She wouldn't have the guts
To put up with the maladies
Of living with a clutz.

So I shall stumble on through life
And hope someone will see
Perhaps they can have feelings for
The clutz I'll always be.......

© Copyright 2001 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

1 posted 2001-04-11 12:22 PM


HAHAHA Cap'n, I love this!  
And all you have to do is try to hurry a bit and it gets a thousand-fold worse, no?
Thanks, Cap'n!

/:-}==
=#===

Joyce Johnson
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since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
2 posted 2001-04-11 12:26 PM


I don't believe a word of it.  Else how could you write such poetry?  Joyce
Janet Marie
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since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-04-11 12:28 PM


We will put bandaids on the boo-boos
we will put padding on the floors and walls
We will eat spam off paper and plastic
and when you slip, flip or trip ...
I'll make the 911 calls
Dont worry Darlin' Deer ...
I'll make sure you always have a soft place to fall  


LOL....
I am left handed and all thumbs...so I relate to this all too well
clever and cute rhymes from you  

Auguste
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since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953
By the sea
4 posted 2001-04-11 01:20 AM


Deer,

This was a real treat.  Am still smiling.  Thanks.  

Michael

PS-by the way, I have a sister just like that.  

Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
5 posted 2001-04-11 01:47 AM



You say you are a clutz,
Somehow I find that strange.
I see how you take letters
Unscramble and re-arrange.

You are trying to pull my leg,
And just be kinda silly,
Once again, I loved your poem,
Balladeer, it was a dilly!

he he   he he

Loved this, from one clutz to another!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2001-04-11 08:37 AM


there is no way
you are Cap'n Clutz
'cause the real way
that you spell it
is with a K, you Klutz!

And I'm the Queen of Klutz,
that's a fact, I'm sure!
why, even my dog watches out
for I'm sure to step on her!

Now, a bone I've never broken,
my only doctor bills
come from checking out deep bruises
which I get from falling "up" hills.

You want to play
connect the dots?
my scars and bruises go to show
I've got them, quite a lot!

No, I'm the Queen of Klutz,
a badge I proudly wear!
It's the only way I can show
that I've been somewhere!

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 04-11-2001).]

Interloper
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since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
7 posted 2001-04-11 09:21 AM


You guys are all chock full of nuts
I'm sure we all agree
you claim to be the lords of c(K)lutz
accidental royalty

OK, so the meter ain't purfek ... at least I didn't trip over a dust mite getting here!

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2001-04-11 09:30 AM


Balladeer,
Is a clutz anything like a putz. I get them mixed up all the time. LOL Big TU

SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
9 posted 2001-04-11 09:34 AM


I think you need a nurse.........to take care of your.........owies.......and to make it all better...and I will gladly fill that position     SEA
doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
10 posted 2001-04-11 11:29 AM


LOL...yeah, but i still love you
2dalimit
Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228
Mississippi coast
11 posted 2001-04-11 11:38 AM


Clutz?
Attention grabber
Master of blunders
Women need to rescue
...Smooth...

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
12 posted 2001-04-11 11:43 AM


This is absolutely delightful!  You certainly didn't drop the ball on this one, it's charming and well done!  I think I should try some of your 'remedies' for hiding mistakes.  I think I'd get tired of wearing tan, though, myself as I'm more of a peacock.
Mother_Earth
Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 1370
1/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan
13 posted 2001-04-11 12:20 PM


Deer, this is beyond being cute!!  I love every word and I have been there and done that!  Thanks for sharing,  ME
Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
14 posted 2001-04-11 01:44 PM


You mean Im not the only one
Who trips over sidewalk cracks
I cant open a soda without getting wet
I bite my tongue eating cracker jacks
To watch me walking with my dogs
Is really quite a sight
Tangled leashes there I go
(K)Clutzs' of the world UNITE!!!!!

Marsha
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since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
15 posted 2001-04-11 05:09 PM


'Deer dear heart, I'm a nurse, I deal with trauma, Hey finally someone I know who will keep these warring doctors busy.
I love this one dear 'Deer. I think this is truly fabulous utterly wonderful love.

I think this is sooooo brilliant

take care love and warm stuff
             Bubbles
Absolutely excellent.

Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



inot2B
Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205
Arkansas
16 posted 2001-04-11 10:39 PM


Maybe we could all get together and find you a caretaker. Heck by the list of replies I think you would have your hands full with all these helpful women.
Men they will say or do anything to get women to take care of them. LOL

Balladeer
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
17 posted 2001-04-12 12:34 PM


Krawdad...you know it! Haste makes disasters! Thanks...  

Joyce..the words just tumble out right, I guess   I thank you.....

Janet Marie....how I would love to fall softly into that soft place....ah, dream on, Balladeer  

Auguste...thank you for the smile  

Mysteria...I KNEW there was something about you I liked!  

Sunshine...long live the Queen!!!       

Interloper...the only thing connecting me to royalty is being called a royal pain!!  

Sy....a rose by any other name.....  

SEA...if you would be my nurse, I would pray for a lifelong illness!!! Nurse me, my sweet  


Doreen..clutzes can be lovable  


2dalimit..I applaud you deductive reasoning       


VAS...LOL@peacock!! that bad, huh...???

Mother...been there...done that...still going strong. Klutzes have to be tough!!!!


Paula..YES! We need to form a onion and untie!!!  


Marsha...a nurse?? Are you on call? Available? Willing to be traumatized?  


inot2B...how harshly you judge me!! To insinuate that I would self-inflict bodily harm on myself for the sake of attracting women,,,well, all I can say is....wanna kiss my boo-boo?  

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 04-12-2001).]

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
18 posted 2001-04-12 01:22 AM


LOL!!!!!!

your responses to the comments are priceless....... almost as wonderful as the poem!!!!!!..... and you!!! hehe... can't stop laughing..... life is GOOD!!!

hehe... i'm just here......an insomniac or something...... holding my breath while breathing but that's another poem... rofl!!!!!!

you're a fine writer...... excellent work, my 'deer Friend...... AND some really terrific comments.........  

Sunshine
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
19 posted 2001-04-12 08:30 AM


oops....I was walking down the halls of blue and bumped into this and it fell up the hill....ow!
suthern
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Louisiana
20 posted 2001-04-12 02:21 PM


Oh Captain, my Deer captain
I fear I'm a c(k)lutz, too
(And from reading these replies
You lead quite a motley crew! *S*)
Whatever path we stumble down
We're accompanied by doom
So please never lose the number of
The closest emergency room!

Loved this, Deer one... very much! *S*

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
21 posted 2001-04-12 02:33 PM


Hi Balladeer--you have no clutz at all when it comes to handing out smiles and laughter...you know just how to time it right...cause I needed them and here they are..thanks.
            

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
22 posted 2001-04-13 07:05 AM


Just keep stumbling the way you are, my friend - with pen in hand, and we will all be happy
Liz

Kay
Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 70

23 posted 2001-04-13 02:24 PM


No, No, you don't look clutzy to me!!!!
I enjoyed this very much, but NO you don't look like a clutz!     signature-->

Kay
"when the going gets tough, the tough get going."

[This message has been edited by Kay (edited 04-13-2001).]

Kit McCallum
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Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
24 posted 2001-04-13 04:14 PM


You?  A Klutz? With that style, that flair, that flowing and graceful pen? Why Michael, you must be the most fluid and polished Klutz I've ever known, LOL.  I'd help you up any ol' time ...  

Best wishes and a shoulder to steady yourself on whenever you need one,
/Kit

Charisma
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lost in blue pages
25 posted 2001-04-13 06:42 PM


well I share the line with non-believers. NO Way you a clutz.....not possible with your charming style of art.

Love it and thank you for the smile you bring above.

((hugs))
Charisma

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

26 posted 2005-05-12 09:21 PM


From one clutz to another...be careful!

Can't believe I missed this one! Cute!

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