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Open Poetry #13
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Red-uni
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 192
Georgia, USA

0 posted 2001-04-10 12:44 PM


The many colors kaleidoscope,
mingling, streaming colorfully down like a rope.
The heart finds intense joy,
as sunset makes one feel coy.
Rain so thoroughly regenerates the earth,
and is as awesome one giving birth.
The trees in autumn, green, brown, orange, red,
words to describe them, what can be said?
The ocean is so enchanting and powerful,
when one goes there the feeling is soulful.
The rivers they bend and flow,
The grandeur of them does show.
The mountains they climb so high,
Making one in reverence sigh.
These words I wrote… I had to say,
for this I feel for you, as in your arms I lay.
This feeling of awe makes my smile,
so sit, watch nature with me awhile.



© Copyright 2001 Kathy Bonet - All Rights Reserved
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
1 posted 2001-04-10 12:53 PM


There are some really great elements here.  Some of the rhyming is forced, which is a problem I have had a lot and still do but not as much as before.  I do more free verse, non-rhyming, that's probably the only reason I have less forced rhyme.  This may be one to try without rhyming.  There are too many great lines not to work more on the form.  You have some great perspective showing.
painted lady
Junior Member
since 2001-04-01
Posts 48
on the wing or nectaring
2 posted 2001-04-10 01:15 AM


Red-Uni,

"words to describe them, what can be said?"

This is precisely the poet's challenge, is it not?  What enchants you about the ocean?  I know what enchants me, but what enchants you?  That's what you have left wanting in this poem. You didn't tell me.  And just what is the river's granduer, anyway?  Tell me!  I want to know!  You may be seeing something in an entirely different way than I see it.  And only you can tell me what that is.

pl

And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.          Wm Wordsworth  (I Wondered Lonely as a Cloud)

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
3 posted 2001-04-11 01:06 PM


this is well-written. . . I won't echo any of the other comments already made. . .

  well done. . .

-------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Brad Majors
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Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
4 posted 2001-04-11 03:29 PM


I like this poem. I would like a little more description but understand the perspective you are trying to write from. I personally stay away from rhyme because its very hard to do well. Very good job, and any tweeking would only improve a already good piece.
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
5 posted 2001-04-11 07:59 PM


I enjoyed your descriptions in this one, Red.   Rhyme is a little difficult to do, but I can't give any advice there because I'm not that good at it myself.  

still d-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t-e-d
I am bound by this, you see...to become Night's sole mistress, and I am jealous in my endeavours for his attention.

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
6 posted 2001-04-11 08:14 PM


Lovely, Reddie!

Corinne

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
7 posted 2001-04-12 01:26 PM


To have found someone whose arms give you the same feelings of reverence and appreciation you find in nature's grandest offerings is to be truly blessed. *S* I like this a lot!
Red-uni
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 192
Georgia, USA
8 posted 2001-04-12 05:44 PM


Thank you all for your comments.  I do have problems trying to do rhyming poems, as I usually do free verse.  Which I find a lot easier.  
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