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Open Poetry #13
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Marsha
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

0 posted 2001-04-09 09:21 AM


In You

When I walk in the shadows you bring me light
Illuming the darkness and banishing the night
I reach out my hand and whisper are you there?
You reply I am, then treat me with tender care
I fear nothing while I’m held close by your side
No dangers threaten or terrors in darkness hide
You are the reason the song has a melodic flow
In you the stars have a magical and strong glow

When I hear loneliness that beckons me by name
Calling me to come and live with it once again
I reach into my heart and you are waiting in light
You are the sunshine that makes my world bright
I can pass by the darkness it has no lure for me
No despair can sigh or bring me to cry constantly
You are the whisper that echoes within my soul
In your spirit I can bathe and be made again whole

When I feel that the ice of fear blowing my way
Freezing my soul and turning black the clear day
I reach for you as you sit quietly within my heart
You breathe your tranquility shattering fear apart
I feel fear dissolve like ice heated by the suns’ rays
No terrors remain I’m safe not lost in fears maze
You are the spirit that lifts and ignites my wings
In you my heart has found a whole chorus it sings


Marsha


Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



© Copyright 2001 Marsha Grace Melody Todd - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2001-04-09 09:30 AM


Mushy~ I think this is one of your very best! So soft and positive... Ilove this! And I'm keeping it     SEA
Sunshine
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2001-04-09 09:30 AM




my Marsha's back....

{~,^}

Panne447
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 196
S.A. TX
3 posted 2001-04-09 09:38 AM


Marge,
This is ok but I get a cloying, sadly, desperate feeling from this.  May I suggest that instead of using couplets try writing quatrains with an abab etc. rhyme scheme - such as:
Then adjust your line to make the meter/beat flow properly and you can get away with saying the same thing(almost) without it sounding desperate. See what I mean?  I hope that helps you a bit. Thanks for sharing this. Panne

When I walk in the shadows you bring me light
I reach out my hand & whisper are you there?
Illuming the darkness and banishing the night
You reply I am, then treat me with tender care

I fear nothing while I’m held close by your
side
You are the reason the song has a melodic flow
No dangers threaten or terrors in darkness hide
In you the stars have a magically, strong glow



Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
4 posted 2001-04-09 07:06 PM


this is wonderful love. . . it's so nice to be able to see you here. . . taking time for us. . .  

-----------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Brad Majors
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Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
5 posted 2001-04-09 07:10 PM


Beautifully written. I am no academic so look to paynes response fro that one. Very nice
Interloper
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
6 posted 2001-04-09 07:12 PM


Welcome back Marsha.  Well done!

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.


Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

7 posted 2001-04-09 08:00 PM


Good to see you I was beginning to worry!  This is a fine piece, Marsha.

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Marge Tindal
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since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
8 posted 2001-04-09 08:17 PM


MARSHA~
It IS Marsha, isn't it ?
Seems someone above has mistaken me for you -
LOL !  
Well, girly ... I'm gonna take that as one heaping compliment ! ! !  

Now ... this is so you ... and lovey ... it's perfect !
We know our MarshaGal~

Love n' hugs for this thought -

'You are the spirit that lifts and ignites my wings
In you my heart has found a whole chorus it sings'


Sing on, sweet poet !
It's soooooooooo good to see you sneaking in here when you can.
*HUGS*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


EagleOne
Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...
9 posted 2001-04-10 03:44 AM


I've been away for a while but its good to come back and see your wonderful work again!  

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our
feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." ~unknown


Waseem Cheema
Member
since 2001-03-16
Posts 369
Pakistan
10 posted 2001-04-10 04:35 AM


Marsha.........very goog  Carry On

I love to nice poetry.

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
11 posted 2001-04-10 05:43 AM


hey little MM
Nice musings sweetie, this is fab   lovely little uplifter.
~HUGS~
Tracie~

Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe



Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
12 posted 2001-04-10 08:49 AM


Circe love, thank you so very much love, always you reply, and these days when I can spend so little time in here it's nice to know that I'm not gone and forgotten.
Take care love, and enjoy life
I will be back more I hope this time will cease, and I shall return to my haven
Love and warm stuff
                   Mushy
                      

Kari dear heart, thank you so very much, you know that when I get the chance, I will be here at my home. Oh how I want to stay at home, with my sisters, and listening to your words. For that I would sit quietly and drink it in, the Bloomsbury set, hah! the Poetic set, would have the best writers ever.
And yes love, the tea, the oast house and poetry what more could I hope for. Well, maybe some strawberries and cream, but this being Kent, we are swamped by them.
Take care love and warm stuff  
               Puck
                  

Panne, I'm sorry, I've tried that style, and although I can do it, I'm not that keen on it. I don't think it's flow is quite right. I prefer a certain beat in my own writing. This is an example of that style from ages ago and I think I've grown past it

Whispered breath strokes my sensitive ears
Lifting your chest to graze my alabaster breast
Taking mere seconds and lasting for years
Making a torture of this respite of soft rest
Gazing in wonder my love overflows in tears
Your laughter echoes within your teasing chest

Touches that tantalize and hands that tease
You lead and I follow in this lovers kiss chase
The fires of desire lie quiet as we take our ease
My love I know you want to speed up the pace
Your heat translates to me and I whisper please
Flames that were slumbering leap and then race

Desire flares as heat sparks from you to me
Tasting the intoxicating wine in your lovers kiss
I'm drunk on your kisses and who wouldn't be
With flames leaping between us at just a kiss
Is this the reality of loves fire? Loves mystery?
My heart is aflame and it's you that summons bliss

Marsha

As I say I can write in that format, but this was in a format I personally prefer.
Thank you for the considered opinion I do appreciate it.
              Marsha
                

AD dear heart, always love you are there, thank you so muchly. I'm hoping that things will begin to settle down, I'm keeping my fingers crossed anyway.
So if it does happen I shall be able to slip in here a little more often.
Take care love

love and warm stuff
             Bubbles
              
BM, thank you love muchly appreciated, in days gone by I was a much more frequent visitor, and it's so nice to see some truly fine poets among the newer members since I was last here
Take care
            Marsha

Kathleen dear sister, Oh how i've missed you sweet poetic sister. Keep flying high love, you are doing splendidly
Take care love as always
and remember I will always have time for you, just send me an E
Love and warm stuff
              Phoenix 1
                aka Mushy
                  

Margie girl, thank you so muchly dear heart. Nooooooo you know Panne mistaking me for you just shows me that he/she doesn't know your work love. You always write sooooooo beautifully, if they knew Margie like I know Margie girl they would know that I'm just a candle to your sun. And I'm not jealous because your beauty is utterly amazing. If you were a lesser person or not so incredible then maybe I would be, but as neither of those conditions applies then no I'm not
Thank you dear heart, for all that you give me.
Love and lots of warm stuff sister of mine
             Mushy
                

Eagle one, how nice to see you again, I too have been absent more often than not these last few weeks. I can only get in for little flying visits. Today is slightly different, the holidays coming up it's not so frenetic here. Says me with my fingers firmly crossed
Thank you muchly love
Take care love as always
               Mushy
                  
Traci thank you so very muchly love, you have no idea how much I miss being among my family. Although I think you may well have a clue.  
Take care love as always
                MM
                  
                
WC thank you so very very muchly I truly do appreciate it
Take care
              Marsha
                  

Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning



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