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Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

0 posted 2001-04-08 10:59 AM

Sunday Morning (a rewrite)

I was listening for the sound
that woke me
to my face gently breezed
through open window.
The fragrance of jasmine
as sultry as a sigh caught me
wafting dreams of islands
with pools the color
of your blue eyes.

As I listened,
your sweet breath was there,
the way it croons in sleep so familiar,
then the rustle of leaves from raccoons digging
sniffing hunger, and then the far-off
call of the neighborhood dogs,
all listening with me
to the disturbed quiet.

Such was the singing
into that first glimpse of dawn,
as the peaceful feeling
and the morning dove,
sighed me again to sleep
with you curled against my back,
catching my neck
with sweet shivering contentment.

In the dew of little things,
the heart finds its morning
and is refreshed.
(ee cummings)

[This message has been edited by Martie (edited 04-08-2001).]

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

1 posted 2001-04-08 11:28 AM

Well done. Now I shall take a nap

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

2 posted 2001-04-08 11:40 AM

Ah! Sweet memories. Joyce

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2001-04-08 12:58 PM

Martie~
So lovingly felt and written.
Oh ... I like this -
'by jasmine as sultry as a sigh wafting'
Sighhhhhhhh !
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

4 posted 2001-04-08 12:58 PM

when the morning dove sighs me again to sleep
with you curled against my back,
catching my neck

The above lines are my very favorite of this piece...they're so gentle and profoundly descriptive.

I had some difficulty with the flow of the first stanza, but that's probably me, the way I read it, as I don't recall there ever being any difficulty with flow in any of your pieces that I've ever encountered. It might be worth a look and I'll go reread it, too. Martie, I so enjoy reading your writings!

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2001-04-08 01:30 PM

Oh darn...Marge also told you of my favorite line, but then again, go ahead pick anyone I guess they are all so special when you write them. Don't you just love jasmine? psst, all the cherry trees are out in full bloom here Martie - the smell is unreal!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

6 posted 2001-04-08 03:08 PM

The fragrance of jasmine
as sultry as a sigh caught me
wafting dreams of islands
with pools the color
of your blue eyes.

As I listened,
your sweet breath was there,
the way it croons in sleep so familiar,
=======================
Such was the singing
into that first glimpse of dawn,
as the peaceful feeling
and the morning dove,
sighed me again to sleep
with you curled against my back,
catching my neck
with sweet shivering contentment.
========================

OH MAN ... BIG OLE FRIGGEN *SIGH*
you just defined a moment of rare contentment..
and it took my breath away...
I have only one thing I wanna ask......
Does he have a brother???????

what a very cool poem Martie.

me

Looking hard into your eyes,
There was nobody I'd ever known.
Such an empty surprise ...
To feel so alone.
~jackson browne~

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite

since 2000-08-04

Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware

7 posted 2001-04-08 04:51 PM

I'll rephrase Jante Marie: "Does he have a sister?" ~G~ too kewl Martie - keep writing `S`

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

8 posted 2001-04-11 04:03 PM

"As I listened,
your sweet breath was there,
the way it croons in sleep so familiar,"

This is so peaceful and lovely it was hard to pick my favorite resting place. *S* But I do love these lines... *S* And then you add

"sighed me again to sleep
with you curled against my back,
catching my neck
with sweet shivering contentment."

And make us all long for such contentment. *S* Beautifully written!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

9 posted 2001-04-11 04:07 PM

thank you suthern, for bringing this treasure back up....

thank you Martie, for the scene....

furlong
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 129

10 posted 2001-04-11 04:22 PM

This is exquisite.

Thank you.

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

11 posted 2001-04-11 05:33 PM

enjoy

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