Rock Bottom(repost) - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

0 posted 2001-04-07 03:33 PM

Hello Passions, I hope all is fine....I've decided to experiment and play around with this as this was orginally written in my usual free verse form but I got bored of it as you can see....anyways, enjoy!!!

I'm a nervous wreck,
a sad clown, who's feeling down,
everytime I look at this worthless check,
as money and food flows scarcer,
while my attitude grows fiercer.

Deep inside, I've become ugly
and no one seems to love me.
I have no pride, I'm hurting inside,
and I need someone to hug me.

Yesterday, my girl left me, called me a dummy
and told me, I'm worthless since, I have no money.
Today, the rent man, who has a dirty mouth,
cursed me out, and kicked me out the house.

And now, I'm broke with no ends, and no friends
as I'm in a crying fit, feeling like slicing this
in order to escape from this abyss of unhappiness
cause, it's so hard to support my girl and child,
with all these problems, it's no wonder why I never smile.

An hour ago, my boss quietly fired me
cause, I was unclean, I had bad hygiene,
as my co-workers had enough complaints,
to bring out the clouds and make it rain.

Now I'm on the streets, with no shoes on my feet,
playing the role of a bum, looking for food to eat.
Right now as I speak, I'm holding a sign that reads,
"I will work for food, please help me!"

I must say that Satan's invasion, is amazing
as I observe, how my life is plummeting
but I must admit, I dug my soul in a hole,
as my world turned cold cause, I had it coming.

But I stress that nevertheless,
my positivity will continue to manifest
cause with determination, perservation,
hard work, and good luck,
eventually, I shall move up.

But as of now, I'm just a sad clown
a bummer in the summer
confiding, wishing I was driving,
a nice, red hummer
but by autumn,
I guarantee, that I won't be
rock bottom.

[This message has been edited by Nate Dogg (edited 04-07-2001).]

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

1 posted 2001-04-07 03:38 PM

Oh Nate I hope this was a made up story because it made me laugh. Nobody could be quite that bad off. I missed it before, so I'm glad you reposted. Joyce

[This message has been edited by Joyce Johnson (edited 04-07-2001).]

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

2 posted 2001-04-07 03:57 PM

Your rhymes are good. Keep experimenting. They will come easier and easier. You just have to be open to them. LOL! I had a rhyming flow going for a while, but I think I'm doing a mental block on it without realizing it. So, a good poem. Lots there about hardships and such, and I'm with Joyce. I hope this isn't your reality. Ohh...Check your e-mail.

still d-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t-e-d
I am bound by this, you see...to become Night's sole mistress, and I am jealous in my endeavours for his attention.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

3 posted 2001-04-07 04:02 PM

Don't mind me...just putting you in my Library..

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant

since 2000-03-16

Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA

4 posted 2001-04-07 04:08 PM

You have painted a bleak portrait here, Nate. I truly hope this is not your reality. I do like the perserverence this one shows. Well done!

All writing comes
by the grace of God.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

5 posted 2001-04-07 04:22 PM

Of course, this is not reality y'll....thanks for reading though!

Nathan

Ethan Halo
Senior Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 793
on the roof again

6 posted 2001-04-07 05:37 PM

cool experiment.. i like Em too.... i did a lil experiment too. hope ya don't muind if i repost it in here...

i dig yours... you just took his concept of rock bottom and made it your own... very smooth.

anywho, here's a repost of my experiment.

That's the sound of my NoDoz bottle when it's hollow.
Twenty tabs and some water so i can swallow
'em all. Wallow and drown in my sorrow.
Cry my eyes out 'til i come back tomorrow.
Hangin on to life with one hand on the last handle
Until you lit a match and burned it with a candle.
Scorched my hand; it got too hot to handle
and i started screaming like a distressin' damsel.
Now i'm all alone with no one 'round to hear me.
The well's dry like bone; there's no jury here to clear me.
There's too many out there; they're worried and they fear me.
i might achieve my dreams, even though they smear me.
i could be better off than her
or him; get better job offers.
So they'd rather put this sheep to slaughter;
Better off to off me than to let my soul blossom.

You tear apart my bleeding heart,
destroying it at the seams.
It seems you judge my short comings
instead of measuring my dreams.
i don't know why you need to make my life a living Hell.
you keep giving me hell even when i'm doing well.
My home should be a place where i can dwell
in someone's love and some safety;
where i can find a little rest and peace and maybe
curl up like a baby and cry with a lady
that i'd call my mom.
And she wouldn't rob me like the mob
of innocence and tell me what i do wrong.
That's why i'm sayin' this "So Long!"
'cause now i'm gone to find the spot where i belong.

i don't have to stay and take this abuse;
your burning words and hurtful verbs
with my screw-ups as your excuse.
Well it's no use; my dreams are a burning fuse
and i refuse to let my talent die unused.
So i'm packing up my things:
My suitcase and my shoes,
A tube of toothpaste,
A note book and my muse.
And i'm riding on my hopes and dreams
to go and start my life anew.

You gotta love livin, cause dyin's a pain in the ass.
- Frank Sinatra

"For a dreamer, night's the only time of day"

"It don't mean a thing
if

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

7 posted 2001-04-07 06:04 PM

have a hug or two or three or four
{{hugzzzzzzzzzzzzz}}
take what's needed there's always more

enjoyed this

~Wynter/Maureen
*and I know what it's like, I am coming closer to that rock bottom every day

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

8 posted 2001-04-07 06:25 PM

Wonderful poem, Ethan and I'm surprised too see an Eminem fan here....ya know, that song is definitely one of most favorites....peace and one love....
Thanks nakedthoughts for your nice comments!!

Nathan

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.