A Failed Attempt at Letting You Know Me

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Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2001-04-04 12:07 PM

Someone told me to try, so I try
One step at a time,
So I try to let you know me.
Telephone rings
"Hello?"
"Hi"
"Hey"
"where have you been?"
I try here to tell you I've been doing nothing,
But still try to talk about it in detail,
So that I can at least communicate with you.
"Sigh"
"Sigh"
"Well, did you get (insert mundane daily chores here)"
"Not many of them"
Here I try to redirect
To reconstruct a phone call already going bad.
Desperately yet willingly I talk to you about my thoughts,
Telling you of people and their differences,
And how I'm liking it here,
So I'm rambling, talking, rising and falling in almost orgasmic language,
Fluctuating with the promise of all the things,
I'm trying to share with you,
The thoughts behind the thoughts,
And then, I pause
Ask you a question
Not to see if you've been listening,
But because I value your thoughts,
And want to have a real conversation with you,
SILENCE
It screams at me, and I try to control my temper,
Thinking perhaps you're taking that moment
You always say you like to take,
To soak up what I've been saying, and what I've asked.
I wait..
SILENCE
So I'm silent also,
Out of your reverie you bounce,
Wholly realizing I'm talking to you,
Or was
But you only noticed because I'm quiet.
"What?"
"Never mind" (see me frowning)
"I'm sorry, (insert useless excuse about whatever was drawing your attention away from my attempt to really talk to you)"
*sigh* tears begin from my end,
But I hide them because I've tried
And why should I have to try harder
And I've been able to hide my tears from you,
As you once requested a long time ago.
SILENCE
You say
"Well, I guess there's nothing to talk about, so I'll let you go."
I'm shaking and tears are gripping me now,
But I swallow them in my voice,
"I love you"
I say it, but I don't even think its true.
I just don't want you to become too suspicious,
Until I'm ready to deal with it.
"I love you too"
And you say it as if it frustrates you,
Sounds like it frustrates you to have to love me,
"Bye"
I hang up before you can tell me bye..
Damn you.
I tried
Because a wonderful, lovely friend asked me to try in some undirect way,
And I did,
And I'm sick of trying.

still d-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t-e-d
I am bound by this, you see...to become Night's sole mistress, and I am jealous in my endeavours for his attention.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

1 posted 2001-04-04 06:33 AM

Geesh...Come on...LOL! I know its choppy, but it can't be that bad right? *slight smiles*

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

2 posted 2001-04-04 06:33 AM

Gosh! This is a real expressive one...

regards,
sudhir

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

3 posted 2001-04-04 03:36 PM

Grab him by the shirt front, sit him down, and lay it on the line!

And, you really aren't through trying, are you?

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

4 posted 2001-04-04 03:45 PM

You know something - connection is hard work, real hard work, and you did a fantastic job of showing the frustrations of "trying to rekindle a spark" I commend you.

When spring is dancing among the hills,
one should not stay in a little dark corner
~*~ Kahlil Gibran ~*~

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant

since 2000-03-16

Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA

5 posted 2001-04-04 03:49 PM

I have always been told that if you really really want it to work, you will do anything to accomplish that goal. Nothing else will matter. I guess you have to ask yourself if it means that much to you. If it does, good luck and never stop trying.

All writing comes
by the grace of God.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

6 posted 2001-04-04 04:20 PM

Thanks everyone....
Advice and thoughts much appreciated.

still d-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t-e-d
I am bound by this, you see...to become Night's sole mistress, and I am jealous in my endeavours for his attention.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

7 posted 2001-04-04 05:36 PM

Ok, I want all the details, just kidding, YOU are a beautiful lady in control
and you deserve the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

8 posted 2001-04-04 07:07 PM

hey. . .give us a second to read it ok???

I feel that this describes way too many lives. . . and sometimes, if it's worth it. . . you'll make it work. . . and other times. . . you see that it's not. . . and you don't bother. . .

excellent words. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

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