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Open Poetry #13
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RMW
Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424


0 posted 2001-04-03 09:14 AM


The Captain's Wife

The room lay littered, like a reef,
With politics and party jokes
And business talk of charts projecting
Sharp, gray lines with fin-like peaks
Lying just beneath
The reach for excellence.
Into this labyrinth of speech
And antique clock precisely spoke
And sought its own.
It struck, as though a tuning fork,
Then moved beyond the crowded room
And into the garden.
There, amidst the rock and moon-washed sand,
And the dark, deep, scented night
It found a woman staring at Orion.

RMW

© Copyright 2001 RMW - All Rights Reserved
Just A Woman
Senior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 507

1 posted 2001-04-03 09:21 AM


Oh, beautiful!!!!!!   You, Bob, are quite something!  



"I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one."

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
2 posted 2001-04-03 11:08 AM


Hmm, very intriguing, Bob. Like this one a lot.

Corinne

RMW
Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424

3 posted 2001-04-03 12:30 PM


Just A Woman .... (Head down, hands in pockets, avoiding eye contact...blushing) Thank you mam.  Bob

Corinne ....I looked up the definition of "hmm" in the dictionary. Intriguing.  Bob  PS Thank you very much.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2001-04-03 01:59 PM


RMW...this cut through the society we know, and into a woman's thoughts of aloneness....

well done!

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

5 posted 2001-04-03 02:29 PM


love the construction of this, set the scene and then wop the reader with the ending...
very nicely done  

Packratmike
Senior Member
since 2001-02-25
Posts 632
California, USA
6 posted 2001-04-03 02:35 PM


Almost like a scene from a movie with camera moving from room to garden.  Excellent visual display!

Mike

dragonpoe
Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida
7 posted 2001-04-03 03:06 PM


Wonderful write, my favorite line though was
"It found a woman staring at Orion"
That's my favorite constellation and every fall, early winter, I love to stand outside and stare at it. So, that one caught my heart  
Great read.

With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free..
dragonpoe

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
8 posted 2001-04-03 11:48 PM


You have such a powerful way with words...leading me thru an evening of proper protocol...being the perfect hostess...the perfect wife...all the way to the woman who perhaps prefers,and misses, a more simple life
Panne447
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 196
S.A. TX
9 posted 2001-04-04 07:59 AM


RMW, Nice scene. I particularly was impressed by your opening 2 lines - wonderfully written those two.  Panne
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

10 posted 2001-04-04 03:56 PM


truly enjoyed this one!

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee


Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
11 posted 2001-04-04 03:59 PM


I liked this one, Bob.  It seemed almost philosophical in a way.  Nice work!

All writing comes
by the grace of God.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

RMW
Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424

12 posted 2001-04-04 04:31 PM


Sunshine...jellybeans...mike...dragonpoe......Paula...Irish Rose....and Lone Wolf....Thanks much. I think we agree that time is precious, and distance can be linked....(did I just see Orion wink?)  Bob
Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
13 posted 2001-04-04 04:32 PM


And antique clock precisely spoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and so di you...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

14 posted 2001-04-05 05:25 PM


Into this labyrinth of speech
And antique clock precisely spoke
And sought its own.
It struck, as though a tuning fork,
Then moved beyond the crowded room
And into the garden.
There, amidst the rock and moon-washed sand,
And the dark, deep, scented night
It found a woman staring at Orion.

==================================
this is so lovely..
your imagery is poetry in motion
very well done

It's such a clever innocence with which you show myself to me
As if you know how it feels to never be who you wanted to be
~jackson browne~

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