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Open Poetry #13
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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2001-04-02 06:20 AM


Sometime back, I had written a poem called 'To be continued' which all of you commented very fairly upon... I did not expect to continue that one... but here I am doing it... It's strange, life, things that you don't expect happen, and later on, one realises it has... anyway... instead of the blah-blah, here the Part II (I remember brian wanted a trilogy... and I don't expect that to happen... but, do we ever know???)

I hope you like what you see
--------------------

He places himself
in a state of lean
against a lamp-post,
in the dark side street
of his passing life --
drinking self-pity
alone and lonely
in goblets of tears!

His stubborn sorrow
continues to tear
his time-frozen heart,
apart, into shreds
of memory cells;
of water-colour
painted sweet dreams washed
away by the rain!

He feels the need to
dispel misery-
affected wild thoughts,
into the darkness
of the ghastly night
and wills himself to
find crazy pastimes--
to quash loneliness.

He can’t poke his nose,
feels too old for that;
so he chooses to
bite his nails instead
and after an hour
he's back to the start,
of the circle's bend
treading a thin line!

He needs to adjust
speed with precision --
a race-track of life,
very fast on the bends;
not to go over,
not to go into --
inside of which
is dark and hollow!

He needs to remain
circling with time,
keep on existing
ever in motion,
walk the thin tightrope
forever moving --
in a search for hope
and be continued...

'!'


© Copyright 2001 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2001-04-02 06:31 AM


This was so stark, and so vividly written--the intensity of emotion showed the light in the shadows here---I could see this guy, I could SMELL this guy--I tried to catch him when he lost his balance leaning against that POLE!!!! Fantastic Portraiture here, Sudhir! This read like a charcoal drawing.  
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
2 posted 2001-04-02 06:59 AM


*Gasps for breath*
I DO LOVE this, sir. It is beautifully done. The images and feelings are just wonderous and the whole thing captured me, I assure you.  

still d-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t-e-d
I am bound by this, you see...to become Night's sole mistress, and I am jealous in my endeavours for his attention.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-04-02 01:07 PM


His stubborn sorrow
continues to tear
his time-frozen heart,
apart, into shreds
of memory cells;
of water-colour
painted sweet dreams washed
away by the rain!

He feels the need to
dispel misery-
affected wild thoughts,
into the darkness
of the ghastly night
and wills himself to
find crazy pastimes--
to quash loneliness.

=======================

He needs to remain
circling with time,
keep on existing
ever in motion,
walk the thin tightrope
forever moving --
in a search for hope
and be continued...
======================

such depth of emote here Sud,
yes ditto sens reply...the imagery and define of character is impressive...
and yes....hope, like life is a continued road we must travel...
i guess we must never give in...while never giving up...
and then learn to never....say never.
excellent writing
take care poet sir
jm

It's such a clever innocence with which you show myself to me
As if you know how it feels to never be who you wanted to be
~jackson browne~

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
4 posted 2001-04-02 04:17 PM


Fantstic as usual Sudhir...

"Or, like the thief of fire from heaven,
Wilt thou withstand the shock?
And share with him - the unforgiven-
His vulture and his rock?"
"lord byro

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
5 posted 2001-04-02 05:20 PM


drinking self-pity
alone and lonely
in goblets of tears!

----------------------

Are you sure that was a HE?? *S* For it sure does sound like me at times... not just nibbling at self-pity and loneliness but feasting on them. *S* This is excellent, Sudhir... it wrings emotions, makes us know this man... makes us care. Well done!

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
6 posted 2001-04-02 05:24 PM


This was wonderful, Sudhir.  I can almost see it happening before my eyes.  Very well done!!  

All writing comes
by the grace of God.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
7 posted 2001-04-03 03:20 AM


O Serene One, Your comments have made me feel so special... thank you

Temptress, I am glad that you liked this one... thanks for coming by

O Janet, Thank you so much, my friend, for your kind words and for your caring ...

Jamie, my friend, many thanks to you too...

suthern, thank you so much for your great response...

Lone Wolf, Thank you very much...

Regards to all,
Sudhir

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