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Open Poetry #13

coming apart at the seams

tradewind
Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 101

0 posted 2001-03-31 08:09 PM

you’ve so much in common
with that worn easy chair...
both of you stained
by dark indiscretions

like two Misers, thieving
every nickel and dime
as though hard cash
could soften depressions

[This message has been edited by tradewind (edited 04-01-2001).]

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

1 posted 2001-03-31 08:31 PM

wind,
I like this poem a lot, it's dark and deep.
Write on
Kethry

Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

2 posted 2001-03-31 09:27 PM

both of you stained
by dark indiscretions
=====================
as though hard cash
could soften depressions
======================

very very cool tw .. and deep ...
clever employ of title, metaphor, analogies,
and imagery...
as well as lesson in succinctity.
well done poet

It's such a clever innocence with which you show myself to me
As if you know how it feels to never be who you wanted to be
~jackson browne~

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant

since 2000-03-16

Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA

3 posted 2001-03-31 09:29 PM

tradewind,

Very deep thoughts here. Wonderful expression. Makes you think!

Lone Wolf

Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

JLR
Senior Member

since 2001-02-04

Posts 1785

4 posted 2001-03-31 10:06 PM

like hard cash could soften depressions...very cool line. Liked this a lot!

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

5 posted 2001-03-31 11:07 PM

TradeWind~
Compact impact !
Nicely done.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

JamesBowie
Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 252
big old Bangor Maine up by the shack

6 posted 2001-03-31 11:17 PM

whoa, looks like I have some competition in the quick impact poetry. actually I can't even say that because this is so very dark and hitting that it quickly enthralled me. good jobareno

tradewind
Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 101

7 posted 2001-04-01 01:34 AM

thanks everyone, i'm so glad you liked this!
and i appreciate your taking time to read and comment!

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