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Open Poetry #13
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kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2001-03-31 11:56 AM


Silent
amidst the
loud cheery banter
of people i hardly
know

Yet
honoured that
they included me
in their tight cohesive
circle


© Copyright 2001 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
1 posted 2001-03-31 12:06 PM


Hmmmm, we differ in philosophy, however, you've expressed your point well!
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
2 posted 2001-03-31 05:58 PM


yes..i've been there...and i smiled too    

i like this one a lot, faterider  

hugs, g

where am i...WHOA! and what am i doing in this handbasket!?!

Marina
Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
3 posted 2001-03-31 07:04 PM


Cinquain is obiviously your thing!  
True words here.  Wonderful job.

Marina

It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen
Marina Crossley



Panne415
Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104
San Antonio
4 posted 2001-04-01 06:56 AM


Kai,  I liked this and the double cinquain works well and both are informal cinqauins.
Hmmm - can see you even now in this situation.  I would suggest that you change the "Yet" in your 2nd cinquain to "I'm"...see what a difference it makes. I think it brings more cohesion and impact to your piece. But that's just me- as always.
Glad I saw this - while looking for this I found one by jwesley. So glad I went looking for you - Panne

Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
5 posted 2001-04-01 01:44 PM


wonderful kaile. . .

I really liked that you combined the two here. . . wonder if there's a name for a form that includes more than one cinquain???

excellent. . .

--------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Watersign6
Senior Member
since 2001-05-25
Posts 823
Hurricane,WV
6 posted 2001-06-06 08:26 AM


very good!  
Mon Cherie
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Senior Member
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers
7 posted 2001-12-10 10:54 AM


That's rather magnanimous of you!! Feeling honoured? If I were you, I'd just feel downright lonely and leftout. I don't think I'll have the energy to think of a good reason why they would include me.  

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

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