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Mooning the Devil
| Open Poetry #13 |
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Mooning the Devil |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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Rewrite Mooning the Devil He was an old vaudevillian With his wife had traveled wide. Set his course on oblivion When her death had ebb his tide. Evenings were intolerable And he'd seek out company Nearby bars more pleasurable To bring a hush to agony. With his bottle swinging wide He would fake a sigh and wink, Do a little dance with pride And he'd sip another drink. He loved to do his soft shoe To the cheering of the crowd Yell out, cock-a-doodle-doo And he'd grin and bow real proud. But drinking is wits deflection That he wore as cap and tool For there in the mirror's reflection Was just an old Irish fool. He'd lift his drink smile and bow Sweep his hat from off his pate Heard the devils welcome ciao Laughing your a little late. And asked one favor when he died, To gently lay him by her side. [This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (edited 03-30-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ah Sy, seems reminiscent of a ballad....and well done, indeed. Sad, but life... let's all moon the devil! |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Seymour~ A fantastic write from your eloquent heart....  SEA |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Sunshine, Thank you for the well done. *L* Sea, Thank you for the eloquent. |
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inot2B Member Elite
since 2000-09-18
Posts 2205Arkansas |
Nice way to start my day. Aye, a little Irish soft shoe. Not even the devil could refuse this request. "And asked one favor when he died, To gently lay him by her side." |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Inot2B, Sorry about that, enjoyed your comment, thanks. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
"Evenings were intolerable"... the perfect explanation for his one request. *S* This is beautiful, Seymour... a ballad that flows flawlessly. *S* |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Suthern, Thank you sweety. I enjoy all your comments. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
http://www.clinton.net/~sammy/bojangle.htm (press arrow on box to play song after it loads)  Mr. Bojangles Nitty Gritty Dirt Band I knew a man Bojangles and he danced for you in worn out shoes With silver hair, a ragged shirt and baggy pants, the old soft shoe He jumped so high, he jumped so high, Then he lightly touched down I met him in a cell in New Orleans, I was - down and out He looked at me to be the eyes of age as he spoke right out He talked of life, he talked of life, he laughed, slapped his leg a step Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles Mr. Bojangles, dance! He said his name, Bojangles, then he danced a lick across the cell He grabbed his pants a better stance, oh, he jumped up high, Then he clicked his heels He let go a laugh, he let go a laugh, Shook back his clothes all around Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles Mr. Bojangles, dance! He danced for those at minstrel shows and county fairs Through out the south He spoke with tears of 15 years how his dog and him Had traveled about His dog up and died, he up and died, after 20 years he still grieves He said I dance now at every chance in honky tonks For drink and tips But most of the time I spend behind these county bars 'Cause I drinks a bit' He shook his head and as he shook his head I heard someone ask him `Please' Please .......... Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles Mr. Bojangles, dance! Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles Mr. Bojangles, dance! |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
A poignant tale, Seymour, masterfully told. Thanks for it. Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
Seymour, Terrific! I see you are keeping mostly an 8 beat line count all the way through but you really might consider changing in verse 5 to deflection and reflection - an off count is not a bad thing and I think it might actually flow better with the extra beat or maybe rewrite just a wee bit to accomodate the 8 count But drinking is wits deflection That he wore as cap and tool For in his mirror's reflection Was just an old Irish fool. well the stress is off in the 3rd line in this example - but I hear no detraction if you put the 'there' back in between 'For' and 'in' to put the stress back. I think it has more power when using as a noun rather than the verb. But - just something to think about. Also, the first thing I thought of was Mr. Bojangles when I read this. Am glad Janet heard it too- and thanks Janet for all the words to that song. Good job, Seymour. Panne |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
He'd lift his drink smile and bow Sweep his hat from off his pate Heard the devils welcome ciao Laughing your a little late. And asked one favor when he died, To gently lay him by her side. ==================== I forgot to ask ... Randy picked the title didnt he *winkiewinkie* this one touched me sweet Sy ... a tender render for sure.  meoh you speak to me in riddles |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Meadow, Sweet comment, thank you Claire. JM, Yea Randy mooned me when he got home and gave my the idea for the name. LOL Thanks for the site I put it in my favorites. Winliewinkie Stinky Panne, You are right about the 5th stanza. I knew it didn't feel right when I read it to myself. But some times you need a little push. I thank you and my poem thanks you. Always glad when you read my stuff. |
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