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Open Poetry #13
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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2001-03-28 10:49 AM


Rewrite

Tears Fears and Other Things

Our peers grow wisdom, tear by tear
Through fears and through their passing years
Facilitate their growing old
By being bold and taking hold.

They sooth their gruff and agitate
By smoother passage of the freight.
The mad of sad the ploy of joy
The bare and wear of their employ.

It is an ocean that we see
Each wave of new that comes to be
Each separate splash upon the shore.
Drags away some sand in store.

It hangs about us weighted dear
About our neck a lavaliere
We show a cloths line in the sun
Of all the wash a heart has done

This thickened blood within our bowl
The blood that drains our visions goal.
We drink in tears of life crop
Drop by drop it drains nonstop.

We simmer in this soups insane
Till genesis becomes germane.


© Copyright 2001 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
1 posted 2001-03-28 10:52 AM


Seymour,

You show an awesome control over words and find the most emphatic way of putting across thoughts into wonderful lines of poetry...

This is another one of the many examples...

regards,
sudhir

Mabel A. Dilley
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 859
Seattle, WA, USA
2 posted 2001-03-28 10:54 AM


You command the reader at will with measured lines, and at the end, one is breathless.

"I am not now that which I have been."

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-03-28 12:02 PM


It hangs about us weighted dear
About our neck a lavaliere
We show a cloths line in the sun
Of all the wash a heart has done

This thickened blood within our bowl
The blood that drains our visions goal.
We drink in tears of life crop
Drop by drop it drains nonstop.

We simmer in this soups insane
Till genesis becomes germane.
================================

your mastery of clever vocabulary is second only to your mastery of cadence and inner rhyme.
So many witty and wise anologys here Sy ..


"It hangs about us weighted dear
About our neck a lavaliere"

and how cool is that line...waaay cool  
ahhhhhh .. to frolic barefoot in that poetic mind of yours.
*winkiewinkie*
    

oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive
~Sarah McLachlan~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2001-03-28 12:38 PM


Julian,
Comming from you just made my day.

Sudhir,
Thank you my friend.

JM,
Don't let Randy catch you barefoot. LOL
Winkiewinkie, Love ya

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2001-03-28 09:36 PM


read it once, grow entranced
read it twice, begin the dance
read it thrice, know words deep
in quarter time, lulls me sleep

sing the trilogy O Sy of song
and carry me all your way along

[sorry, you inspired it! I know it's not worthy, but it is all I have....]

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

6 posted 2001-03-28 09:50 PM


I always enjoy your philosophical ruminations, Seymour. This one is strong. (o:

Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau


tradewind
Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 101

7 posted 2001-03-28 11:26 PM


your poetic talent comes across loud and clear in this poem

wonderful command of language

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2001-03-29 07:07 AM


Sunshine,
I loved it. *L*

Meadow,
Thank you Claire. *L*

Tradewind,
A very nice coment, thank you.

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