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Passions in Poetry

Tears

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River
Senior Member
since 09-16-2003
Posts 623
my own little world


0 posted 09-18-2003 12:22 AM       View Profile for River   Email River   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for River

I am crying inside
I am dying inside
on my face you cannot see
unless you really look into me
my heart is torn
for much i mourn
life to me is not very real
yet it takes all i have to heal
you see me smile
but my eyes scream out in pain
as the depression sinks deeper
deeper still
does it really take so long for you to see
that i am weeping inside
I cannot sleep at night
for when I sleep
my dreams are haunting
and when I wake it is even worse
please, I beg you to just look closer
my heart cries blood drop tears
my soul is on the brink of death
and my mind screams for peace
can you not hear the wrenching cries
can you not feel my stabbing pain
or see the anguish in my eyes
are you blind or do you not care
that I am crying inside
I am dying Inside
and my soul cries out in dispair
I want you to see me as I really am
I want you to help me find peace again
please
© Copyright 2003 Bonnie Sue Clark - All Rights Reserved
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


1 posted 09-18-2003 08:51 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Bonnie ?

Need I say, I completely understand this?


I am here too
xxoo
River
Senior Member
since 09-16-2003
Posts 623
my own little world


2 posted 09-18-2003 09:05 PM       View Profile for River   Email River   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for River

lol, i think you clearly already have, in "Hour of Darkness"...i mean, i don't think i've seen any poems here so far that i have understood more than that one. so i guess we're here for each other. grooovy =)

"The Red, it filters through" - Chevelle

eor
Senior Member
since 09-26-2002
Posts 968
blues & greys


3 posted 09-19-2003 01:21 AM       View Profile for eor   Email eor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for eor

you have a really nice style, i liked it better when you got away from the rhyme scheme and got into free verse.  i am not an expert myself, and i don't know how much experiance as a poet, but this is my advice...beginner poets should stick wiht free verse so you can develop you own sense of style, you own voice, then get into structured poetry...that is just my take on it everyone has ther own way...mine is by no means right...just some advice

"For those who understand you, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, none is possible."

River
Senior Member
since 09-16-2003
Posts 623
my own little world


4 posted 09-25-2003 11:06 PM       View Profile for River   Email River   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for River

yeah, thanx =) i've gotten a lot of hints in the critique (sorry, i think my spelling is bad?) department that i don't rhyme very well, or that it seems forced, so i'm kinda guessing that i should stick with free verse for awhile and develope that other thing later. thank you for pointing that out, it really helps a lot=).

"The Red, it filters through" - Chevelle

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